Knowing and the Wind

We are more closely connected to the invisible than to the visible.

Novalis

How do we know that the wind exists? How do we know it is wind?

Recognizing

We hear it. we feel it. We revel or revile it. We chose how we define our experience of it.  The trees, the shrubs, the dust are the face of the wind. The visual of what cannot be seen but is seen. There are signs of the wind. We don’t say the wind does not exist because we cannot see it. We bear witness to it in the dust that spins, giving the wind a form, an image, and we can see the wind dressed in the dust it spins, dancing for us, driving us, divining us of all that cannot be seen but is still present.

Knowing, Trusting

What can you not see but know is present? How do you know it is? What are the signs? Check out the reality. Without the wind the dust would not dance? Do you have confirmation that what you think, and feel is truly known to you? I encourage my clients to trust their own knowing.

Do you trust yours? Do you know what it is? How does it come dressed? Want to discuss? Contact me.

Self-Reflection through Loving Compassion

First learn to see yourself, then learn to see others, last help them to see themselves.

Mme Ehrenfried

Humans are amazing. Yet we can be absurdly unaware of ourselves. There are times when other’s can see us more clearly than we can see our own behavior. In a profession such as mine we spend a great deal of time getting clear about ourselves, our history, and our reactions to the world around us. We develop skills to effectively manage and cope in the world with choice, and deliberation. We do this so that we can learn to see others clearly, and then help them to see themselves more accurately. This is no easy task for us or them. It is an ongoing work of self-discovery, unfolding the layers, and serving so others can more effectively help themselves and others. It is for this reason that we take this humbling journey so that we can with love and compassion assist others to be more loving and compassionate with themselves, and others. In this way we pass goodness and love from person to person into the world and we make it a kinder more loving place to be.

Care to increase the kindness in your world? Contact me.

Transformation: Eight Reasons You Don’t Want a Coach

Transformation is a process, and as life happens there are tons of ups and downs. It’s a journey of discovery – there are moments on mountaintops and moments in deep valleys of despair.

Rick Warren

This may seem like a strange blog for a coach to write but I find truth telling immensely rewarding. I find it interesting that most people respond so well to truths. So here are a few regarding why you do not want to hire a coach.

Life Changing

  1. Your life will change. Probably for the better. But change can be difficult, and honestly, we humans like to remain in homeostasis.

Truth Telling

  1. They will tell you the truth. If you don’t like to hear the truth even when delivered in a kind way. Don’t hire a coach.

Drop Your Story

  1. You will have to drop your story. We often create ourselves as victims in our life. A coach will challenge you to own your life, and take responsibility for it. And well that just sucks sometimes.

There’s a Cost

  1. It will cost you money. Good coaching rarely comes cheap. And we rarely invest fully unless we put some skin in the game. Coaches want individuals that want to change and are willing to put their money on the table to prove it.

Showing Up

  1. You will have to show up. Coaching requires you show up, do the work, and keep coming back even when it gets tough. I rarely take anyone for coaching at less than a six-month commitment because true transformation takes time and most people want to quite when things get tough at 8-12 weeks.

Humanity

  1. You will come face to face with your humanity, and you will have to let go of your ego. Face your true self, and find self-compassion and love. For many of us this is the greatest struggle of all.

Trust

  1. You will have to learn to love what is, and what is not, and come to trust that the world is unfolding as it should without you directing the process.

Peace

  1. You will find peace in this moment, and then in the next, and it will be a challenge each day to stay in this moment, not in the past, or in the future.

Transformation

It would seem the things we desire are also they things we run from. It takes immense courage to go for things we desire but more than that it takes grit and tenacity. The start of the journey is easy. It is staying the course that remains the true challenge for most of us. A coach is a sojourner through the tough times. A coach helps you through those times with a perspective that is unattached to the outcome yet loving and compassionate. Take a coach on your next journey but only if you want to reach the finish line.

Still don’t want a coach? Great contact me let’s talk!

Play Like a Foal!

The one thing that you have that nobody else has is you. Your voice, your mind, your story, your vision. So write and draw and build and play and dance and live as only you can.

Neil Gaiman

Fun. Everything is an opportunity for play, gates, latches, tubs and buckets! My yearling filly, Desiree is certain that all is meant to have entertainment value for her. Play is the goal. Fun is the game. Don’t take life to seriously. It really is meant for fun.

Play vs Frustration

One day I went to crawl on my lovely very tall buckskin stallion, Ambro. I was tired, and he knew it. And he decided that standing still for me to mount was not on his agenda for the day. I was about to get pissed off and angry at him (although that wouldn’t have helped), but instead I started laughing. I saw myself it was hilarious this goofy woman attempting to get on this huge horse who was clearly not into cooperating. I think my laughing stunned him so much that when I stopped laughing to get back on him, Ambro stood perfectly still as if attempting to figure out the joke. I hope he knew I was laughing at myself, and finding my own frustration amusing!

Chose Fun

What if we spent our day having fun with everything that entered in? What if we looked for the funny side? Made it a game? Entertained ourselves with it? What if we found fun and laughter even in the frustration of the day to day? What if we could find the humor in the middle of an argument?  What if we could literally roll with laughter at the punches? What if we didn’t take life, ourselves, or others quite so seriously? Might our world be a bit lighter and brighter, maybe we would be.

Want to lighten up your life? Call me.

Interpersonal Conflict: I’m the Problem?

Peace is not absence of conflict, it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means.

Ronald Reagan

Some months back I wrote a blog entitled, Drop the Anchor, an article about owning responsibility in times of conflict. Interpersonal conflict can be easy or difficult depending on the personal insight of each participant.

I’m NOT the Problem

One of my thoughtful readers wrote back, “But what if it isn’t my problem? I mean is it always my problem? When does someone else have to take responsibility for their behavior.”  It was a great question, and I love to have conversations with people, so I contacted the writer and we connected the next day! (I love this job!)

I Do My Best

The reality is we can at times do our very best and still have conflicts with others. People get upset and angry. They don’t like our choices. They think they know how to do things better, and that they are right.  However, their being upset doesn’t need to constitute a problem for us.  Unless we choose to let it.

Truth is Variable

The truth is that maybe they are right, maybe they aren’t, or maybe there is no right or wrong. The part that is our problem is the internal chaos that goes on within us.  We cannot change the other person’s thoughts, actions, and behaviors. We can only manage our own, and that is the part that is my problem.

We cannot change what comes out of someone else’s mouth. We cannot change what they say, do or don’t say or do. It’s a free country, and we can think and act as we chose.

Is it Useful

People can criticize us. We may not like it much but that doesn’t stop people from doing it. We can choose to ignore it, feel hurt about it, argue against it, or grow from it.  We can choose to examine if there is any truth in what they say or not. We might find some truth in what they say, and grow from it, or perhaps it doesn’t fit so we can throw it out. What we don’t have to do is swallow what someone else says as the gospel truth, or that possibly any of it’s true. We can simple examine the statement and decide is there something of use for us in it. If not, we can toss it out.  If so, we take what is useful, learn from it, and get rid of the rest.

Ultimately, what comes out of one’s mouth is about them. It is the projected stuff people do not see or want to see about themselves that compels them to place it out in the environment because they don’t have the ego strength to own it for themselves. Of course, we are no exception to this rule.

Interpersonal Conflict, A Personal Lesson

Engaging with others is always a learning opportunity. The bigger the conflict the more we learn about ourselves, and about the other person. As our awareness increases we can improve our skills, and move forward with our lives. Conflicts serve to teach us useful life lessons, if we choose to learn from them.

Want to learn more? Contact me.

 

Drop the Anchor

What are the Benefits of Good Conflict Resolution Skills?

 

Self-Management: Heaven or Hell?

This could be heaven or this could be Hell

Hotel California, The Eagles

 

Our personal self-management style determines whether this life is heaven or hell. Excitingly, we get to be responsible for which one we want to be in.

Wandering

Many years ago, I spent a few weeks trekking and traveling through Nepal. As I was sitting beside a cow pasture awaiting a plane to arrive I observed a very poor man probably schizophrenic who sat talking to himself near the airport building (shack would be a more appropriate description.) I had a boxed lunch that had been given to me and it had more food than I could eat, so I offered the uneaten portion to the man. He accepted. I walked back to where I was sitting, and became engrossed in my thoughts about how the plane would land with the cows in the pasture. As I glanced around I noticed the man sharing the food with a couple of goats that had wandered up to him with whom he was sharing his meal.

Self-Management

I smiled even in his poverty this man had chosen heaven, not hell. He chose to believe that the universe would continue to provide him with food. He didn’t need to hoard it, there would be enough for him, so feeding the goats was okay.

Live Fearless

Do we live as if there will be enough or do we live in fear of not enough? A life of stinginess, selfishness, and hoarding? Or do we live without fear? No fear trusting that what we are handed we will be able to manage and figure it out? One is heaven, and one is hell.

Chose Self-Management

Is your life heaven or hell? How do we make it hell? How do we make it heaven?

What are you making out of your day? Each day a choice heaven, hell. It’s all in what we make it. Perhaps no truer words have been sung…

‘we are all just prisoners here, of our own device’

Hotel California, The Eagles

You Hold the Key

The good news is that if we are prisoners here, of our own device, we hold the key to unlocking the gate and setting ourselves free.

Would you prefer heaven to hell? Is it time to set yourself free? Want to know how? Contact me, let’s talk!

Freedom from Fear

The Gift of Responsibility

Is the Time Right for Self-Management?

Time: Can We Perfectly Control it?

Whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should

Max Ehrmann

The universe doesn’t care about my timetable. It has its own. I find this frustrating, and true. In my moments of sheer grandiosity, I think I know best how to run the world. Of course, I am repeatedly proven wrong, as the world unfolds perfectly as it should in its own time. Obviously, I have not yet reached permanent radical acceptance of my limitations in running the world. Slowing down to life, waiting for it to unfold in its’ own perfection is clearly among my growing edges. I would say faults but growing edges, sounds so much nicer.

The Perfect Time

My frustration is not just with the world, and others but also with myself because I am not moving fast enough or have not finished something yet that I “should have.” Inevitably when I do complete something the timing becomes perfect for what then evolves, and I reflect on why I create so much self-suffering instead of trusting that things will get completed as they are supposed to do so.

Time to Wait

For instance, I have a horse trailer to sell. It needs a couple repairs before I put it on the market. I tried three times to call the dealer and get to the service department today. I could feel my frustration rising and I decided today was not the day I was going to schedule the appointment, maybe it would be tomorrow or the next day. Whatever day it is it will be the right day! How do I know? Because I will get to the person I need to who can schedule the appointment for me. We could argue poor customer service at the trailer company. Indeed, that could be true, however, whatever the issue, today was not the day to schedule the appointment.

Slowing Down

Slowing down to the speed of life often feels like I am walking through water up to my waist when I’d prefer to be walking on water. Clearly running the world is not written in my stars, unfortunately, my superpower status will have to wait.

Drop the Cape

Where are you trying to be a superpower when you might be better off just being you? Is it time to give your superpowers a rest? Not sure? Let’s talk

 

7 Myths of Empowerment

Jackie of All Trades, Mastery of None

Is it an Obstacle or an Opportunity?

 

 

Leadership: Lead like a Mare

Want something done? 

Tell a gelding. Ask a stallion. Discuss it with a mare.

Anonymous

Is leadership different for men and women? In herds of horses stallions and mares are vital to the herds survival. What does it mean to lead like a mare?

Leadership Mare Style

The lead mare of a herd is keenly alert to changes in her environment. In the wild the life of the herd depends on the lead mare. When she whinnies the herd listens. Where she goes the herd follows. She finds food and water, she leads them away from danger. As a partner, the lead mare is responsive and lets her needs be known. She can be subtle, or she can be forthright. She cares little to be the center of attention but doesn’t shrink away from it should it occur. The lead mare sees and inspects the subtlest changes. She demands respect and refuses cruelty. She fights back if needed. She is slow to trust, and long remembers a wrong done to her. She holds a grudge if the betrayal is too large.

Leadership Versatility

If the herd stallion falters, and the herd becomes trapped some lead mares will protect the herd as the stallion typically does. Her first call is always the preservation of her herd, her sisters, her foal, and she works in concert with the stallion to ensure its safety. Make no mistake the stallion respects his lead mare. She sets limits, he respects her “no,” and checks out her fears. He listens to her intuition so where she goes he follows, after all it is his herd also, to look after and protect.

Leadership Sensitivity

Mares are incredibly sensitive. Not particularly loving, but fiercely protective of their young. Mares speak clearly, and if you don’t listen there will be a consequence, so pay attention to their signals. Taking a mare from her herd is interesting. She will be fine until she hears her herd calling her in distress, the stallion or foal concerned for her will create agitation for her. For a mare to lead there must be a herd to follow her.

Leadership Reflection

Who’s your herd? How are you leading? Where are you going? Who is following you? Where are you leading them? Is your energy that of a stallion or mare? Are you pushing when you might need to pull your herd? Are you leading, and no one is following you? Let’s talk!

 

Love like a Stallion

Horses & Lunch

Why Women are More Effective Leaders than Men

 

 

 

Family Drama: Is it Time to Practice Peace?

Family is supposed to be our safe heaven. 
Very often, it’s the place where we find the deepest heartache. 
Iyanla Vanzant

I have a client that has had a chaotic life. There has been no peace, and family drama has been a time-honored tradition. As my client has dealt with many of his historical issues, he has moved forward and is creating the life he wants, without the familiarity of family drama. Drama is a habit in his family systems. Instead of continuing the ongoing Peyton Place of his family of origin he is learning to disengage from it. He is detaching with love when possible, if not then simply detaching.

He is choosing to “practice peace,” although this is no small feat when he has lived with drama all his life. Although he does not like all the drama, drama feels familiar, it is second nature to him, and if someone else is not creating it then he may unconsciously find ways to manifest it in his life. Only with consciousness can he maintain the peace he desires.

Family Drama

Drama can get created in multiple ways. Surrounding ourselves with drama creating people. We can make mountains out of molehills. Get in other, peoples’ business, and not mind our own. If none of this works, and we fail to surround ourselves with drama creating kings or queens, we can become one ourselves. Finally, we can agitate someone else, stir up trouble, and stand back and enjoy the drama that unfolds, all the time outward complaining about all the drama going on in our life.

Old Habit, New Practice

Habit and homeostasis are powerful deterrents to change. Practice is needed to remedy the behaviors that are ingrained in us that keeps us creating drama or hanging out with drama in our lives. We must remind ourselves to return to practicing peace on the pathway to creating the life we desire.

Want to practice peace? Getting swept up in the drama? Contact me.

 

The Space Between

Amongst the Wild Horses

Who is Shaping You?

Bullied, a Tragedy Becomes an Opportunity

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of those depths.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

A young man named, Alex Harrison committed suicide in 2009 after being bullied by others. His mother, PK shared her loss with me, several months ago over lunch.  I had just met this wonderful woman. She, and I share a passion for horses and riding. She told me how her horse saved her life the year after she lost her son.

Alex’s Mom will never forget or stop loving her son, but she and her husband have brought meaning to his loss by raising awareness around bullying. They created meaning to a profound loss in their lives so someone else’s child might live. Who knows how many lives they have saved by choosing to not let Alex’s death destroy them, but by bringing meaning to their tragedy so that other children might be saved. PK’s husband has spoken at hundreds of schools. They have a FB page, and actively work to stop bullying.

I want to send peace and light to Alex’s parents, and thank them for being a courageous example for all of us in how we can turn tragedy into an opportunity to help others.

Help Stop Bullying,

Please Join and Share the FB group

 Sticks, stones, and words all hurt so when you,

See it. Hear it. Stop it.

 

Thank you, PK for so generously allowing me to share your story.

Would you like to bring meaning to a tragedy in your life? If so, let’s talk.

 

Quest to Heal: A Workbook for Healing

Who do You Feed?