For many children the struggle in the classroom isn’t academic, it is social, and in the form of bullying. The invention of social media has allowed many young people to connect with new friends, but it has also exposed them to new levels of and opportunities for bullying.
Lack of boundaries invites lack of respect.
It’s her fault, not mine. It’s his fault, not mine. She made me do it. He makes me angry. The language of victims, not owners of their lives. Abdicating the responsibility of our choices is disempowering, and as adults we are ultimately responsible for our feelings, choices, and responses.
In my life, the animal world has served as a wonderful teacher, and metaphor for learning lessons. Here is one I learned from a couple of my little friends.
Gypsy is a Jenny, yes, a little donkey. A miniature to be exact. She hangs out with Mr. Q another mini. He brays too much. He pushes her around at times, until she has had enough of that then she sets a limit, usually a sound kick to his head with both hind feet. Ouch! Really, you’d think he would learn.
When she sets a limit there is no question that enough is enough. Mr. Q being the smart ass, he is respects her limits. One intelligent dude if a bit hard-headed.
Are you setting limits? Good limits? Are you holding those limits? If not remember Gypsy, she is always good at giving us reminders! Setting good limits early on is best. It keeps you from having to be shall we say as forceful as Gypsy!
Or are you like Mr. Q? A bit pushy? Do you get surprised when someone sets a hard limit? Do you respect the limit? Is there a way you might be more aware of your impact on others and soften your approach? A more collaborative approach might be more useful.
What doors do you want to open?
Write this down. Get clear. Think big.
Can’t close the doors? Let’s talk.
Be fully in the moment, open yourself to the powerful energies dancing around you.
We know that our posture impacts how others see us, but did you know it also may impact how we feel about ourselves? We know that a change in facial expression such as a half-smile can lighten our mood. Amy Cuddy’s research supports the idea that intentional changes in our body posture impacts our physiology, thus changing how we feel about ourselves.
Here is a short clip of Amy Cuddy’s Ted Talk discussing the impact of body posing on physiology.
If you are so inclined here is Amy’s Ted Talk in its’ entirety!
Amy Cuddy discusses power poses in this video.
Practice using a power pose(s) throughout your day to move yourself to an emotional space of confidence, peace, power, and contentment. Does it change how you feel? Are you a powerful, peaceful person? Yes? Would you like to be even more powerful, present, and peaceful? If so, let me know!
I mean perfect as you are…that you did not need to change anything about yourself.
What if you knew that at the very core of yourself that you were not flawed but whole, and wise? That no matter what anyone said, or did past, or present, you did not question the wonder of who you are? You did not question what you knew to be true for you, and that it was okay for it not to be true for everyone.
What if you trusted your own choices?
What if it is perfect for you to change your mind? To make another choice?
What if it is perfectly okay to create the life you wanted?
And it is perfectly okay to ask for assistance, if it would be helpful to you!
We are our thoughts. Our thoughts change our biochemistry so our thinking creates who we are becoming.
The thoughts we have about ourselves have the most impact. These thoughts influence how we treat ourselves, and in turn that teaches others how to treat us. Thoughts are an informational energy field. This intelligent power results from trillions of messenger molecules that inform each of our cells precisely how to function, thus our positive thoughts create positive energy, and vice versa.
So the wonderful news is that we always have a choice about what we think, when we think, whether we think, or whether we don’t. So we can consciously choose our thoughts, which allows us the ability to control our lives from the inside out. Given this reality we can create anything we desire.
Are your thoughts aligned with what you would like to create today?
Stress is an inside job.
It lives inside you.
It is an internal energy that helps you get things done.
An internal physiological response.
Harness the benefits of stress.
Accept that change is constant.
Problems are challenges
Hold a positive orientation.
Focus on what you can control.
Don’t get derailed.
Be 100% responsible for your responses.
Don’t take on anyone else’s stress.
Influence the events you can positively.
Continually update your skills.
Experiment with fresh approaches.
You create stress. You contain stress. You control stress.
To be assertive is to be effective and constructive.
Validation of the other’s perspective.
Slow, soft speaking.
Gentle repetition of what you want.
A nonjudgmental stance.
A reward for the smallest achievement.
Boundaries are funny things. Often invisible. They have to be set. Cannot always be seen. Vary from person to person.
Boundaries getting crossed?
Try this …
Set the boundary before it gets crossed. Not quick enough? Inform them they have crossed thee… line. Be direct. “Will you…?” Educate. “When you…then I…” Cite the consequences… “If you…then …”
Learn to say …”No.” Don’t explain, or justify your boundaries. It’s your life and your limits!
Effective boundaries, start with clarity.
Experience a lack of response to your limit setting? Restate, no response, then leave this is a relationship you don’t want.