Many of us in western society, when faced with the idea of mindfulness, are instantly drawn to the idea of meditation or a zen-like state. Mindfulness alone isn’t attached to any specific culture or philosophy, it is simply the state of an individual’s mind being aware or focused on a particular moment or task. Practicing mindfulness first requires an individual to decide what they want to focus awareness on and at what time or how often should the practice occur to receive the greatest benefit.
Transformation is a process, and as life happens there are tons of ups and downs. It’s a journey of discovery – there are moments on mountaintops and moments in deep valleys of despair.
This may seem like a strange blog for a coach to write but I find truth telling immensely rewarding. I find it interesting that most people respond so well to truths. So here are a few regarding why you do not want to hire a coach.
- Your life will change. Probably for the better. But change can be difficult, and honestly, we humans like to remain in homeostasis.
- They will tell you the truth. If you don’t like to hear the truth even when delivered in a kind way. Don’t hire a coach.
Drop Your Story
- You will have to drop your story. We often create ourselves as victims in our life. A coach will challenge you to own your life, and take responsibility for it. And well that just sucks sometimes.
There’s a Cost
- It will cost you money. Good coaching rarely comes cheap. And we rarely invest fully unless we put some skin in the game. Coaches want individuals that want to change and are willing to put their money on the table to prove it.
- You will have to show up. Coaching requires you show up, do the work, and keep coming back even when it gets tough. I rarely take anyone for coaching at less than a six-month commitment because true transformation takes time and most people want to quite when things get tough at 8-12 weeks.
- You will come face to face with your humanity, and you will have to let go of your ego. Face your true self, and find self-compassion and love. For many of us this is the greatest struggle of all.
- You will have to learn to love what is, and what is not, and come to trust that the world is unfolding as it should without you directing the process.
- You will find peace in this moment, and then in the next, and it will be a challenge each day to stay in this moment, not in the past, or in the future.
It would seem the things we desire are also they things we run from. It takes immense courage to go for things we desire but more than that it takes grit and tenacity. The start of the journey is easy. It is staying the course that remains the true challenge for most of us. A coach is a sojourner through the tough times. A coach helps you through those times with a perspective that is unattached to the outcome yet loving and compassionate. Take a coach on your next journey but only if you want to reach the finish line.
Still don’t want a coach? Great contact me let’s talk![/tatsu_text][/tatsu_column][/tatsu_row][/tatsu_section]
Whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should
The universe doesn’t care about my timetable. It has its own. I find this frustrating, and true. In my moments of sheer grandiosity, I think I know best how to run the world. Of course, I am repeatedly proven wrong, as the world unfolds perfectly as it should in its own time. Obviously, I have not yet reached permanent radical acceptance of my limitations in running the world. Slowing down to life, waiting for it to unfold in its’ own perfection is clearly among my growing edges. I would say faults but growing edges, sounds so much nicer.
The Perfect Time
My frustration is not just with the world, and others but also with myself because I am not moving fast enough or have not finished something yet that I “should have.” Inevitably when I do complete something the timing becomes perfect for what then evolves, and I reflect on why I create so much self-suffering instead of trusting that things will get completed as they are supposed to do so.
Time to Wait
For instance, I have a horse trailer to sell. It needs a couple repairs before I put it on the market. I tried three times to call the dealer and get to the service department today. I could feel my frustration rising and I decided today was not the day I was going to schedule the appointment, maybe it would be tomorrow or the next day. Whatever day it is it will be the right day! How do I know? Because I will get to the person I need to who can schedule the appointment for me. We could argue poor customer service at the trailer company. Indeed, that could be true, however, whatever the issue, today was not the day to schedule the appointment.
Slowing down to the speed of life often feels like I am walking through water up to my waist when I’d prefer to be walking on water. Clearly running the world is not written in my stars, unfortunately, my superpower status will have to wait.
Drop the Cape
Where are you trying to be a superpower when you might be better off just being you? Is it time to give your superpowers a rest? Not sure? Let’s talk
Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.
I have often heard, “I don’t need a coach… I have a coach, it’s my mom, my dad, my friend, or my spouse!” I smile to myself, because that translates to “I don’t want someone to tell me the truth.” I don’t want to do my best.” “I don’t want to be faced with the insight and awareness.” “I don’t want movement in my life.” “I want to stay safe, snug, encumbered in that which is comfy to me.”
A Coach Speaks Truth
I get it. My coach pisses me off on a regular basis, and I love her for it. She isn’t my parent, my friend, or my partner. She is solely there to tell me the kind truth to assist me in growing myself and my business, in helping me to continue to create the life I want to live! She helps me understand more deeply my life, my challenges, and assists me in moving the boulders in my life out of my path so I can continue to move on in my journey!
Why Do the Greats Hire Coaches?
Imagine the great sports player, musicians, actors, actresses, or CEO’s saying I’ve hired my parent, spouse, friend as my coach. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen. I’m saying that managing that dual role successfully for both individuals is rare.
What does a Coach do?
A coach doesn’t talk to you. A coach listens to you. Reflects it back to you. Tells you the truth in a way that you can hear it, take in, and transform yourself from it. A coach is detached from the outcome. They have their eye on your goal and don’t get sucked into the drama of your life. They fly above it or below it, providing you with a view that you cannot see when you are in the midst of it.
A coach holds you responsible for your life and doesn’t fall for the story you have bought in to about your life, and the people in it. They help you remove every obstacle you have constructed to stop forward movement in your life, so that you can create the life you want. Your coach will love you and challenge you. They will show you how to move up and stay high on the emotional ladder. They will tell you to slow down until you actually, s l o w d o w n. Live in the present moment, and find happiness right here, where it has been all the time.
Who’s coaching you?
Be fully in the moment, open yourself to the powerful energies dancing around you.
We know that our posture impacts how others see us, but did you know it also may impact how we feel about ourselves? We know that a change in facial expression such as a half-smile can lighten our mood. Amy Cuddy’s research supports the idea that intentional changes in our body posture impacts our physiology, thus changing how we feel about ourselves.
Here is a short clip of Amy Cuddy’s Ted Talk discussing the impact of body posing on physiology.
If you are so inclined here is Amy’s Ted Talk in its’ entirety!
Amy Cuddy discusses power poses in this video.
Practice using a power pose(s) throughout your day to move yourself to an emotional space of confidence, peace, power, and contentment. Does it change how you feel? Are you a powerful, peaceful person? Yes? Would you like to be even more powerful, present, and peaceful? If so, let me know!
What is the value of knowing nothing about another?
This might be the one truth that is truly useful in forming and maintaining relationships, team building, and leadership. It forces us to call on our curiosity to learn about someone else and their circumstances.
Simple wonder, awe, sincere question asking creates a state that allows us to call forth that which is not yet known to either of us. Thus, providing a solid foundation for insight, exploration, and exchange.
Questions create clarity and understanding.
I mean perfect as you are…that you did not need to change anything about yourself.
What if you knew that at the very core of yourself that you were not flawed but whole, and wise? That no matter what anyone said, or did past, or present, you did not question the wonder of who you are? You did not question what you knew to be true for you, and that it was okay for it not to be true for everyone.
What if you trusted your own choices?
What if it is perfect for you to change your mind? To make another choice?
What if it is perfectly okay to create the life you wanted?
And it is perfectly okay to ask for assistance, if it would be helpful to you!
The feminine energy of the mare pulls the herd. The masculine energy of the stallion pushes the herd. In concert, they keep the herd fed, watered and safe. They interact as a community. The energy of the lead mare and the stallion are different. She prefers to be followed. She is ahead of the group. She determines the forward momentum. The stallion follows his herd. He keeps them together, and he is the first line of defense, if a predator threatens the herd. He is typically bold in comparison to the wariness of his lead mare who trusts slowly, and approaches cautiously, if at all.
Last week I hosted a group of twenty + from around the globe to experience the power of Equine Collaborated Coaching at Full Circle Ranch B&B in Cave Creek, AZ. This is what Dave shared with me after he returned home from the event.
“I had a chance to use it as soon as I got home. Making lunches in my house has been a HUGE fight for years as we ask our kids, ages 7 and 9, to do it themselves. It usually involves lots of yelling, threatening, and then eventually me doing it for them.
After our work with the horses, I realized that my son responds well to pushing (masculine or yang) energy and my daughter pulling (feminine or yin) energy. So, when it came time, I told my son he needed to make his lunch and then pushed my energy towards the fridge with him in front of me. When he started to wander off, as he always does, a few minutes in, I just stepped in front of him and gently pushed my energy back toward him and his lunch. He went so easily!!!! Lunch was made, no problem.
With my daughter, we usually push and push with no response. So today after telling her it was time and she didn’t respond I just said, ‘Hey Scarlette, I’m just going to go ahead and do it for you,’ and started pulling things out. She immediately stepped in and did it all herself.
My wife was floored.”
What David did so adeptly was to generalize the herd dynamics he had learned in the Equine Collaborated Coaching session to social interactions with others, in this case his children. Once he understood the energy dynamic in his children, he could manage his internal energy in a way that guided his children to make their own lunches without drama, and in a cooperative manner. Voila! Peaceful family lunch-making time!
Where do things fall apart for you in relationships? Are there times and situations in which you are puzzled by the dynamics that occurs between you and others? Do you have difficulty with certain people? If so, consider your energy. Do you push people or pull people? How about the individuals around you? What energy do they put out? How do you manage your energy with others?
If this sounds interesting to you, and you would like to discuss it contact me.