Be the Moon!

When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.
Alexander Graham Bell

When plan A, B, C, D, and, E fail, what then?

Plan F of course!

We all know that plans rarely if ever go as expected. In fact, I am always somewhat amazed anymore when a challenge doesn’t come into play. When I was younger this would upset me, and I would focus on what didn’t go right, and why it didn’t go right, but what I didn’t realize was that by not focusing on, what was next, or the opportunity that was presenting itself, I became stuck in quagmire of the past, not in the solution focused present.

I am not saying that it isn’t good to reflect on what happened so we do not make similar mistakes over and over again but let’s not stand there staring so long we miss the open door in front of us!

Be creative! Keep moving! Don’t stop! Pause and consider “maybe” but don’t meander around stirring the old muck. Life’s too short for second guessing, and if we wait too long the opportunity that awaits us may pass us by, as does our lives, if we do this too much, and for too long. Walk through the open door, and grab the next opportunity! Think how interesting life will be! Consider what there is to learn! Find out how creative you can become by looking at what is, not at what could have been!

What opportunity is before you now?

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A Star is Born!

Are You a Boredom Pecker?

As I talked to Debby Kinsella at Full Circle Ranch B & B, Cave Creek, AZ about her hens that supplied the eggs for morning breakfast, a friend of hers pointed out that some of the hens had spots on their backs where the feathers were missing. Debbie said that they had recently found ouGallery4 300x195 300x195 - Are You a Boredom Pecker?t that the hens pecked at each other when bored, thus Debby and Tom were building them a series of interesting things to do and challenges to keep them occupied, so they would not peck at each other.
I thought this was interesting. Like the hens, do we pick or peck on others when we are bored with our lives, and work? Do we begin to mess in the business of others when our own lives are not fulfilling and satisfying? I have often wondered if people are bored when they work on creating trouble and misery for others. Using our hen friends as an example, we might say that boredom in fact breeds contempt.
Contempt as we know per the work of John Gottman, PhD creates illness in those individuals being treat contemptuously. Given that contempt creates illness would it not serve us, and the other people in our life to be happily, challenged with our own business and life?
Where are you picking or pecking at others in your life? Where are you not minding your own business, or creating the challenges in your own life that keep you focused on yourself, and what is important to you? The next time you find yourself picking or pecking at someone else, ask yourself, are you boredom pecker?

 

Who Do You Feed?

A Native American grandfather was talking to his grandson about how he felt. He said, “I feel as if I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is the vengeful, angry, violent one. The other wolf is the loving, compassionate one.” The grandson asked him, “Which wolf will win the fight in your heart?” The grandfather answered: “The one I feed.”
Original Source Unknown
I heard a version of this story for the first time almost three decades ago from a man that had over a decade of sobriety. He said that each day he made a choice about which wolf to feed, the one of resentment that would lead him back down the road of alcoholism, inner death and numbness or the one that lead would lead him up the path to inner peace. He was not talking about an inner peace that means you will “die inside your comfort zone” as Steve Chandler,  Reinventing Yourself refers to it. He was referring to the inner peace that comes from a life well lived. Are you choosing to create a life of fun, enthusiasm, challenge, and passion? Or are choosing to live a life of apathetic desperation that you may be trying to avoid through busy unfocused distractions?
The good news is that you get to choose which wolf will you feed today.
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Choice. It is in your power!

 

Is it a Pony or Poop?

One day a farmer hired two boys to clean stalls in his barn. After showing them what needed to be done he left to complete some other chores. Upon his return one boy burst into tears. ‘What’s the matter?’ the farmer asked, baffled. ‘There is so much manure I will never get finished,’ the boy replied. After reassuring this boy the farmer went to check on the other boy. The other boy was delightedly pitching manure out of the stall and into the wheelbarrow. The farmer asked him why he was having so much fun. The boy replied, ‘With all this manure there must be a pony in here somewhere!’
adapted from How Ronald Reagan Changed My Life by Peter Robinson
Why did these two boys have such different experiences of cleaning stalls for this farmer? They both were faced with same stalls with the same amount of manure to shovel. Yet each boy created a very different story of their experience.
One created a story of failure. The other created not only a story of success but hope, “there must be a pony in here somewhere”. We might scoff at what might be referred to as this boy’s blind optimism but considered what he created for himself. He had a job to do. The same job the other boy was hired to do. They were getting paid the same amount. The blind optimist created a story that carried him through his day with fun, excitement, and something to look forward to at the end of his hard work.

 

We could argue that he would be hurt and disappointed when he didn’t find a pony but my guess is he would just shake his head, and say ‘”well, no pony but I sure did get those stalls cleaned in a hurry, now I can collect my pay, and bike to town, and buy a soda pop!”
 
I can create a story of how horrible my day, month, year, or life is to live, or I can create a story of blind optimism about how wonderful my world is today. It really is all perspective, and personally, I am going to just keep shoveling manure, and keeping my eyes open for that pony. How about you? How do you define optimism? What story will you create today? Will it focus on the poop or the pony?

You can be Right or You can be Loved! (J. Gottman) Your Choice! (M.Heiden)

Personally, I think being “right” is overrated. I mean what is “right’ anyway? “Right” is a concept. “Right” is where your perception lies. Depending on where you stand that perspective looks different. Perspective is forged from life experience. Life experience is the tapestry of all that you encountered, conquered, learned, and loved in your life. The lessons you have chosen to take with you. Therefore, perspective is always changing,  your understanding of what is “right” is evolving over time. If your ego strength is in tact you can both validate the other person’s perspective while acknowledging your own. For example, “I can see from your experience why you think that is true,” or “I can agree to disagree with you.” The reality is not everyone has to agree with you for you to be okay. In fact, the more okay you can be without other people having to agree with you the easier life will get. So, the next time you feel the need to be “right” ask yourself “Why do I have to be right?” Take 20 minutes to free write about it and see what insights emerge for you. Get in touch and let me know what you found out about yourself!

 

Copyrighted 2014