Life Coaching is chock full of benefits. Coaching can give you a fresh perspective on personal and professional challenges, improved decision-making skills, greater intrapersonal and interpersonal relationship effectiveness, and increased self-confidence. If you undergo coaching you may find you are appreciably more productive, satisfied with life and work, and attain relevant goals more quickly.
Transformation is a process, and as life happens there are tons of ups and downs. It’s a journey of discovery – there are moments on mountaintops and moments in deep valleys of despair.
This may seem like a strange blog for a coach to write but I find truth telling immensely rewarding. I find it interesting that most people respond so well to truths. So here are a few regarding why you do not want to hire a coach.
- Your life will change. Probably for the better. But change can be difficult, and honestly, we humans like to remain in homeostasis.
- They will tell you the truth. If you don’t like to hear the truth even when delivered in a kind way. Don’t hire a coach.
Drop Your Story
- You will have to drop your story. We often create ourselves as victims in our life. A coach will challenge you to own your life, and take responsibility for it. And well that just sucks sometimes.
There’s a Cost
- It will cost you money. Good coaching rarely comes cheap. And we rarely invest fully unless we put some skin in the game. Coaches want individuals that want to change and are willing to put their money on the table to prove it.
- You will have to show up. Coaching requires you show up, do the work, and keep coming back even when it gets tough. I rarely take anyone for coaching at less than a six-month commitment because true transformation takes time and most people want to quite when things get tough at 8-12 weeks.
- You will come face to face with your humanity, and you will have to let go of your ego. Face your true self, and find self-compassion and love. For many of us this is the greatest struggle of all.
- You will have to learn to love what is, and what is not, and come to trust that the world is unfolding as it should without you directing the process.
- You will find peace in this moment, and then in the next, and it will be a challenge each day to stay in this moment, not in the past, or in the future.
It would seem the things we desire are also they things we run from. It takes immense courage to go for things we desire but more than that it takes grit and tenacity. The start of the journey is easy. It is staying the course that remains the true challenge for most of us. A coach is a sojourner through the tough times. A coach helps you through those times with a perspective that is unattached to the outcome yet loving and compassionate. Take a coach on your next journey but only if you want to reach the finish line.
Still don’t want a coach? Great contact me let’s talk![/tatsu_text][/tatsu_column][/tatsu_row][/tatsu_section]
Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.
I have often heard, “I don’t need a coach… I have a coach, it’s my mom, my dad, my friend, or my spouse!” I smile to myself, because that translates to “I don’t want someone to tell me the truth.” I don’t want to do my best.” “I don’t want to be faced with the insight and awareness.” “I don’t want movement in my life.” “I want to stay safe, snug, encumbered in that which is comfy to me.”
A Coach Speaks Truth
I get it. My coach pisses me off on a regular basis, and I love her for it. She isn’t my parent, my friend, or my partner. She is solely there to tell me the kind truth to assist me in growing myself and my business, in helping me to continue to create the life I want to live! She helps me understand more deeply my life, my challenges, and assists me in moving the boulders in my life out of my path so I can continue to move on in my journey!
Why Do the Greats Hire Coaches?
Imagine the great sports player, musicians, actors, actresses, or CEO’s saying I’ve hired my parent, spouse, friend as my coach. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen. I’m saying that managing that dual role successfully for both individuals is rare.
What does a Coach do?
A coach doesn’t talk to you. A coach listens to you. Reflects it back to you. Tells you the truth in a way that you can hear it, take in, and transform yourself from it. A coach is detached from the outcome. They have their eye on your goal and don’t get sucked into the drama of your life. They fly above it or below it, providing you with a view that you cannot see when you are in the midst of it.
A coach holds you responsible for your life and doesn’t fall for the story you have bought in to about your life, and the people in it. They help you remove every obstacle you have constructed to stop forward movement in your life, so that you can create the life you want. Your coach will love you and challenge you. They will show you how to move up and stay high on the emotional ladder. They will tell you to slow down until you actually, s l o w d o w n. Live in the present moment, and find happiness right here, where it has been all the time.
Who’s coaching you?
Every morning I laugh as my beautiful yearling filly, Desiree terrorizes herself. She is positive that there must be something of interest for her in the manure bucket! Her head goes into the big black tub, she shoves the plastic fork around, and pulls at the bucket until something tips over, and she scares herself. Off she runs frightened by her own self, and I laugh, thinking that is so silly that she keeps creating anxiety for herself. However, I do the same thing. I terrorize myself with thoughts of doom and gloom! What if…? Is one of my favorite anxiety mantras, and of course the “What ifs…” are too often not the positive kind. I end up terrorizing myself, and then dealing with the fear and anxiety I have managed to self-create. Not really the best life plan!
I would love to live like a river flows
Carried by the surprise
Of its’ own unfolding.
I love metaphors, and the quote above speaks to me. As much as I have worked to create the life I want there is still the surprise of how life unfolds, of the opportunities that present themselves to me, as I flow down this river of my life. The doors that open, and the ones that close. The wonderful people I have met. The teachers (metaphoric) I have encountered (not always wonderful, but necessary for my own growth). I have been astounded by the love and generosity of people throughout my life both in times of hardship and of success.
The river of life of my life has been periodically exciting, slow, tumultuous, and challenging as it has unfolded before me. There were times sitting on the shore made sense, and other times when paddling down the raging rapids felt like exactly the right thing to do. I would like to tell you that I have always made the best choice but all I know is that I have chosen, as the river of my life has unfolded, and there have been discoveries, lessons, wonders, and surprises along the way, never a dull and boring ride!
I have had moments when I wondered if climbing out of the river would be a good idea. Setting up camp, and just watching the river go by, and never wondering what is around the next bend. Yet I continue to choose to ride the river of life, to be surprised by its’ unfolding.
Are you sitting on the side of the river? Floating along at the river’s pace? Are you staying afloat through the rapids? Paddling against the current? Racing to get to the end? Whatever you are choosing, become aware of the surprises as the river unfolds. Be present to the gifts, the river brings you, enriching the moments of your life as it flows out before you.
Want to Create a Better Relationship?
Needing a life coach and wanting a life coach are two very different things. Everyone needs a life coach, only the wisest hire a coach. Wanting a life coach is about wanting to create a life that is better than the one that you have, and being willing to stretch yourself a little bit each day. Leaping tall buildings isn’t necessary, although you often find your super power while being coached.
So, you want a life coach? Good for you. Now who do you hire? This is the hard part, believe it or not, because becoming a life coach is easy. How do you become one? You start calling yourself one. A low bar to entry plagues the profession. However, not all life coaches are created equal! So here are some tips for hiring a life coach.
For many hiring a life coach for the first few times is fraught with fear. However, it’s natural to be anxious about life coaching especially if you have never worked with a life coach before. Here are the fears I hear most often from prospective life coaching clients.
I won’t do it right.
Good news! There is no right or wrong way to ‘do’ coaching. In fact, I often say that there are no mistakes only ‘creative opportunities.’ If you would like to get the most from being coached it is helpful to be open minded and willing to step out of your comfort zone at least a little bit. In stretching your comfort zone, you grow, and in that growth, you begin to create the life you want.
I will be judged.
Well trained Life Coaches are impartial observers and hold space so that you the client can explore your options without judgment and come to conclusions that are true for you. A Life Coach focuses on the positive assets you bring to the session, and the here and now, and not the past. No one but you knows what is right for you, and that is why life coaching is beneficial. Life coaching may challenge you to take the next step if you are ready, but life coaches do not judge you for not being ready yet. Life coaching grounds you in your own truth, keeps you focused, and on track to creating what you want out of your life.
It won’t be confidential.
Life coaches typically hold coaching conversations as privileged, unless they ask your permission to share something that might be helpful to others. In your initial conversation with a life coach be clear about your desire for confidentiality. There may be limits to the amount of confidentiality that a coach is willing or able to maintain. This is something to get clear about up front especially if your coach is hired by your company for you. Generally, there is an agreement that your progress twill be reported but details you share with you coach will not be revealed. So be clear with the coach you work with about the limits of confidentiality, before you begin coaching with them.
It won’t help.
Coaching won’t work for me. My experience has been that individuals get out of coaching the amount that they put into coaching. Willingness and openness again makes a significant difference in outcome for most things in life, coaching is no different. If you approach coaching with a learner’s mind, and an open palm you will reap rewards. If you don’t your rewards may be more limited or slower in coming. However, individuals progress at their own rate and there is nothing wrong with that approach either.
Remember that fear and excitement share a great deal in common at the physiological level. In fact, the only difference is breathing. That’s right! If you want to turn your anxiety into excitement for your first coaching session just remember to breathe, and give it a go!
Be fully in the moment, open yourself to the powerful energies dancing around you.
We know that our posture impacts how others see us, but did you know it also may impact how we feel about ourselves? We know that a change in facial expression such as a half-smile can lighten our mood. Amy Cuddy’s research supports the idea that intentional changes in our body posture impacts our physiology, thus changing how we feel about ourselves.
Here is a short clip of Amy Cuddy’s Ted Talk discussing the impact of body posing on physiology.
If you are so inclined here is Amy’s Ted Talk in its’ entirety!
Amy Cuddy discusses power poses in this video.
Practice using a power pose(s) throughout your day to move yourself to an emotional space of confidence, peace, power, and contentment. Does it change how you feel? Are you a powerful, peaceful person? Yes? Would you like to be even more powerful, present, and peaceful? If so, let me know!
What is the value of knowing nothing about another?
This might be the one truth that is truly useful in forming and maintaining relationships, team building, and leadership. It forces us to call on our curiosity to learn about someone else and their circumstances.
Simple wonder, awe, sincere question asking creates a state that allows us to call forth that which is not yet known to either of us. Thus, providing a solid foundation for insight, exploration, and exchange.
Questions create clarity and understanding.
I spent a day with the incredible, executive coach, and friend, Karen Davis. After we had played for several hours with my horses, and had a relaxing lunch, we made the hour drive to Tonto National Forest where we hoped to located and view one of the wild herds of Salt River Horses. As clear intention, or wonderful luck would have it we found, first a small band of three stallions, and then a larger herd with a stallion, mares, and babies.
I am always awed by the sight of these horses. They tolerate humans watching, and photographing them in stride. Yet they keep a reasonable distance. About 19 months ago these horses were destined to be rounded up, and most likely destroyed by the federal government, however the horses were saved by many individuals, and organizations that stood, and spoke up in order to save them. The state of AZ has acted to protect the wild horses. The people have requested that the Federal Government follow suit.
When I stand among these wild horses, I am flooded with the feeling that these horses know that the people that come to see them, saved them, and they are grateful. Perhaps it is my own gratitude that flows out for these beautiful horses, in this amazing national land that has been preserved for us by those that stood up, and demand the right thing be done.
In those moments when I was full of being present to myself, the horses, to the land, to the connection that goes between the people, the land, and the horses something greater moved, and moments of oneness with all of it occurred for me. When I become still, and quiet with horses in nature the incredible occurs, and I find my peace, and place in the world.
Where do you find your peace? Where is your place in the world? Can’t find it, feeling lost? Contact me, I can help you find it.
PS. For more incredible BreathWork & Horses consider our October, Power of Your Presence Retreat!
PSS. Coming soon information on Yoga & Horses Retreat also in the beautiful Sonoran Desert November!