Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed.
Happiness is the spiritual experience of living
every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.
The reality of change. Change is an internal job. Why would I say that? Aren’t I always going on about moving into action suggesting that change comes from taking actions? Well yes, external change always comes from action, and sometimes internal change comes from changing our externals, BUT here is the catch not always. The highest level of change comes when you master changing your own inner reality. What does that mean?
Try this brief exercise. First remember an extremely happy moment in your life. Close your eyes and put yourself into that moment as if it were happening right now. Use all your senses. Notice how you are feeling in your body and in your emotions. Write down a few words that described how you feel as you are in this vision.
Now consider a time when you were sad or angry. Close your eyes and put yourself into that moment as if it were happening right now. Use all your senses. Notice how you are feeling in your body and in your emotions. Write down a few words that described how you feel as you are in this vision.
Look at your descriptor words for the two events. Were they different? Why were they different? They were different because YOU changed your internal state. What? Yes, YOU changed your internal state of being. You create thoughts, images and feelings that made you both, happy, and sad/angry.
So what does this mean? It means you get to decide how you feel. You get to decide at any given moment what your inner landscape is going to look like. Wow! Who knew…Now that you can change your internal landscape when you want (it takes a bit of practice), you can position yourself to make greater, and more creative changes in your external life. Whether you make these changes or not won’t be because you feel forced to do so by internal or external circumstances, but because you chose to do so. The differences between wanting to and having to…is the difference between empowering yourself, or taking the default victim role in life.
The good news is you get to choose which role you play in your life story!
Not sure how? Let’s talk.
“You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation. ” Plato
Several years ago I was working with a couple. The couple were both hard working professionals with successful practices. and dedicated parents to their 5 children. Managing life was truly an art in and of itself for them. As in many marriages, as life became busier work, and children often took precedence over the couple spending time with each other. Sound familiar?
During one coaching session one partner said to me, I know, I know we need to make more time to WORK on our marriage. The word WORK just hit me wrong. These were people that needed less work, not more. So gently I said, “You both work so hard at your practices, and at making life work for your children, maybe what you need to do is have more FUN in your marriage.” We all laughed. They thought that was a tremendous idea, and began to discuss how they could have more FUN together, instead of working on the marriage.
This small change of perspective made all the difference for them. They began to surprise each other, take unexpected trips, do fun and silly things together. They began to laugh together again. If your marriage or partnership isn’t what it once was think about how to make it more fun, not more work.
Needs some ideas? Contact me!
Think Them So!
The surest way to make a man is, to think him so.
James Russell Lowell
As a professional coach I have conversations with many people from all walks of life. Time and again I have seen miraculous changes in people’s lives sometimes within days.
The man that ran a very successful business but lived in a rundown dump, and was afraid to purchase a house. Takes his foot off the brakes and puts the wheels in motion, and within few months finds and buys the perfect house.
The twenty-year old afraid to date signs up on match.com after finding out she could make it fun. She finds that in fact she is date-able!
The chronically depressed client that has had years of treatment and traditional therapy, suddenly takes flight.
The guy who always wanted his own business but couldn’t quite get all the pieces in place, launches his dream venture.
Why did coaching help them change their lives? Why did coaching help them move into the reality of their dreams when other things had not?
I have pondered this question a great deal as I have marveled at the effectiveness of coaching in people’s lives. This is what I have decided:
They were ready.
They found support that believed in them without doubt or hesitation, me, their coach.
They felt empowered, and thus could persevere.
Who can you believe in and support today?
Who believes in you and can support your dream today?
Life shapes us until we shape our life.
On May 18th, Desiree a precious Andalusian filly was born. She was so sweet those first few days we decided we would call her Dulce (sweet) Desiree. As she grows you can see the influence that her human caretakers, Mom and other pasture partners have on her. She gained confidence quickly, she was curious about everything, and began to mimic the behavior of others. If Q the mini donkey thought crawling through the fence to get to the other side was a good idea so did Desiree. If Mom pawed for hay, then so did Desiree. Thus life and those in it began to shape her behavior.
This is true for humans as well. We are born with a certain set of genetics into an environment that then begins to shape us. Our parents, families, friends, neighborhood, community, city, county, state, country, schools, work, and events in our lives mold us, and transform us for better or worse. This might seem rather hopeless if you do not like your current life circumstances, until you recognize that life can only continue to shape you if you opt out of shaping it.
If your life is all you want it to be then life is good, perhaps you do not wish to shape your life at all, but perhaps there are some things in your life that you would like to change. Several years ago I worked with a client that had a thriving practice. However, at home there is tension between my client and his also very busy professional spouse. Their four children were wonderful, intelligent, and experiencing the trials of growing up, but balancing work, and family became unwieldy when a family crisis occurred. Eventually this professional realized that an outside perspective would be useful, and hired me. In a short time this client started to take full responsibility for his life. He worked on communicating clearly with his spouse, setting limits at work, and home. He prioritized his wants and needs. He and his wife started to work together, planning effectively, and have more fun in their relationship. They were able to support their children, and extended family. My client was able to slow down, and create the life he wanted for himself, his family, and his business.
How about you? Are you shaping your life, or is it shaping you? If your life is not what you want it to be send me an email, and tell me, What you would like to be different about it?