Reflection through a Mirror named Self-Compassion

First learn to see yourself, then learn to see others, last help them to see themselves.

Mme Ehrenfried

Humans are amazing.

Yet we can be absurdly unaware of ourselves. There are times when other’s can see us more clearly than we can see our own behavior.

In a profession such as mine we spend a great deal of time getting clear about ourselves, our history, and our reactions to the world around us. We develop skills to effectively manage and cope in the world with kind choice, and loving deliberation. We do this so that we can learn to see others clearly, and then help them to see themselves more accurately.

This is no easy task for us or them. It is an ongoing work of self-discovery, unfolding the layers, and serving so others can more effectively help themselves and others.

It is for this reason that we take this humbling journey so that we can with love and compassion assist others to be more loving and compassionate with themselves, and others. In this way we pass goodness and compassion from person to person into the world and we offer a kinder more loving place to be.

Love like a Stallion

equine collaborated coaches 300x214 - Love like a StallionHorses can teach us about life, if we take the time to observe, and understand their behavior. Fin, my Andalusian stallion reminds me of the importance of letting those we care about know that we do. Fin, like most stallions knows his first and foremost job is to support his herd. Fin nickers whenever his mare comes or goes, even for the shortest time. He can be in the pasture with his mare, and enter the stall next to her, two minutes later, and nicker as if he has been away from her for weeks. He is so delighted to see her. No matter her reception to him, Fin makes sure that his mare knows that he has her back, and he is there to protect her. He respects her “no”, and never pouts. He is always glad to see her and supports her.

In life, we could use this as a metaphor for how we attend to others in our life. What would it be like for your spouse, partner, colleague, boss, employee to know that you supported of them? That you were glad to see them? That you valued them?

How might this change your relationship with them?

Difficult relationships? Let’s talk.

Relationship Makers or Breakers

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.
Mother Theresa

Relationships are about belonging. What makes or breaks a relationship? Belonging is a major component of maintaining a relationship. Belonging is an emotional connection with others that creates an inner peace. So, how do I know I belong?

I belong when someone…
– pays attention to what I am saying and doing.
– really hears what I am saying.
– empathizes with the story I am telling.
– can reflect the essence of what I am sharing.
– respects my words, thoughts, and beliefs.
– accepts me as I am without trying to change me.
– honors the boundaries I assert.
– can share who they are with me.
– can tolerate my directness without distress.

How do you know when you belong?

Here is a great video by Sue Johnson, PhD.

How to Love/Belong Intelligently

 

Surround Yourself with Those that Love You not Need You

Any time we make a change in our lives, others in our human herd will either encourage us, or discourage us in making progress in our personal growth and life goals. If they have a specific limiting belief about us they will continue to try to pull us back into that specific false belief [I am not …(you fill in the blank)] about ourselves. if You Have People in your life like this GET RID of THEM… or at the very least MINIMIZE your TIME with THEM. Instead surround yourself with people that support your growth and change, people that challenge you to move out of your comfort zone and reach your potential. When you enter into any relationship it should be to give AND you will notice that if you are in healthy relationships you will also receive because they are also in it to give not to receive. Wow! What an awesome concept…Both people giving not out of need or necessity but because they desire to serve each other. Now that is where real love and growth begin.

 

Copyrighted 2014

Intimacy in Relationships Through Deeper Human Connectedness

What does it mean to live in connection? It means I am connected to myself, I have intrapersonal intimacy, I know myself. I am aware of my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. I take responsibility for and seek to understand them. I am responsible for myself, and blaming my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors on others is a cop out that dismisses me from personal responsibility. Likewise, I am not responsible for the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of others; they are responsible for their own.

To live in connection means that I am also able to experience interpersonal intimacy, a connection between me and others at a fundamental level of being. I allow myself to be known, they allow themselves to be known and we are both aware that this connection is occurring. This level of connection is exquisitely deep, fleeting, and quite rare. My experience with this type of connection is of being suspended in a time and place where the world around us falls away, and all that is left is the deep, exhilarating, and sometimes terrifying experience of knowing and being known.

To live in connection means that I am willing to develop skills to listen to and understand myself and others deeply, and that I have others in my life that are willing to be known and to know me. Many believe they desire this depth of connection, yet few are willing to do the work it takes to achieve it. It is frightening to look at oneself, unmasked and vulnerable and it is even more terrifying to let others see our essence. It is also amazingly rewarding and awesome to be seen, known, and still loved.

If I am to live in connection with others it means I cannot shrink from the authenticity and vulnerability of them. I must value the courage it takes others to let me know them. In turn, I must not shy away from truly knowing them, honoring their journey, and holding their space with the sacredness it deserves. I cannot flinch if I am repulsed by what they have done or what has been done to them, because in those moments of true connection I must be able to support their truth, not indulge my own weaknesses and be able to love them more by knowing them for who they truly are. By knowing and connecting, we form meaning for our own lives and celebrate the lives of others.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/8627506

Copyrighted 2014