Reflection through a Mirror named Self-Compassion

First learn to see yourself, then learn to see others, last help them to see themselves.

Mme Ehrenfried

Humans are amazing.

Yet we can be absurdly unaware of ourselves. There are times when other’s can see us more clearly than we can see our own behavior.

In a profession such as mine we spend a great deal of time getting clear about ourselves, our history, and our reactions to the world around us. We develop skills to effectively manage and cope in the world with kind choice, and loving deliberation. We do this so that we can learn to see others clearly, and then help them to see themselves more accurately.

This is no easy task for us or them. It is an ongoing work of self-discovery, unfolding the layers, and serving so others can more effectively help themselves and others.

It is for this reason that we take this humbling journey so that we can with love and compassion assist others to be more loving and compassionate with themselves, and others. In this way we pass goodness and compassion from person to person into the world and we offer a kinder more loving place to be.

Love like a Stallion

equine collaborated coaches 300x214 - Love like a StallionHorses can teach us about life, if we take the time to observe, and understand their behavior. Fin, my Andalusian stallion reminds me of the importance of letting those we care about know that we do. Fin, like most stallions knows his first and foremost job is to support his herd. Fin nickers whenever his mare comes or goes, even for the shortest time. He can be in the pasture with his mare, and enter the stall next to her, two minutes later, and nicker as if he has been away from her for weeks. He is so delighted to see her. No matter her reception to him, Fin makes sure that his mare knows that he has her back, and he is there to protect her. He respects her “no”, and never pouts. He is always glad to see her and supports her.

In life, we could use this as a metaphor for how we attend to others in our life. What would it be like for your spouse, partner, colleague, boss, employee to know that you supported of them? That you were glad to see them? That you valued them?

How might this change your relationship with them?

Difficult relationships? Let’s talk.

The Space Between

Life is lived in the expansion and contraction of the breath. Life is lived between the seconds, between the cells in the moments of presence to what is now in this moment…the moment inside me, the moment outside me, the moment in the connection to all that is greater than me. Expansion to see beyond me, Contraction to see within me. To be me, here, now before it becomes next. Life lived in this very breath, moment, space is where you find love and peace.
Expand, Contract, Breathe between your cells, the seconds, and find peace in the now.
No peace? Contact me to find peace.

Horses & Lunch

marsha and fin energy work - Horses & Lunch

Marsha Ferrick Coaching

The feminine energy of the mare pulls the herd. The masculine energy of the stallion pushes the herd. In concert, they keep the herd fed, watered and safe. They interact as a community. The energy of the lead mare and the stallion are different. She prefers to be followed. She is ahead of the group. She determines the forward momentum. The stallion follows his herd. He keeps them together, and he is the first line of defense, if a predator threatens the herd. He is typically bold in comparison to the wariness of his lead mare who trusts slowly, and approaches cautiously, if at all.

Last week I hosted a group of twenty + from around the globe to experience the power of Equine Collaborated Coaching at Full Circle Ranch B&B in Cave Creek, AZ. This is what Dave shared with me after he returned home from the event.

“I had a chance to use it as soon as I got home. Making lunches in my house has been a HUGE fight for years as we ask our kids, ages 7 and 9, to do it themselves. It usually involves lots of yelling, threatening, and then eventually me doing it for them.

After our work with the horses, I realized that my son responds well to pushing (masculine or yang) energy and my daughter pulling (feminine or yin) energy. So, when it came time, I told my son he needed to make his lunch and then pushed my energy towards the fridge with him in front of me. When he started to wander off, as he always does, a few minutes in, I just stepped in front of him and gently pushed my energy back toward him and his lunch. He went so easily!!!! Lunch was made, no problem.

With my daughter, we usually push and push with no response. So today after telling her it was time and she didn’t respond I just said, ‘Hey Scarlette, I’m just going to go ahead and do it for you,’ and started pulling things out. She immediately stepped in and did it all herself.

My wife was floored.”

What David did so adeptly was to generalize the herd dynamics he had learned in the Equine Collaborated Coaching session to social interactions with others, in this case his children. Once he understood the energy dynamic in his children, he could manage his internal energy in a way that guided his children to make their own lunches without drama, and in a cooperative manner. Voila! Peaceful family lunch-making time!

Where do things fall apart for you in relationships? Are there times and situations in which you are puzzled by the dynamics that occurs between you and others? Do you have difficulty with certain people? If so, consider your energy. Do you push people or pull people? How about the individuals around you? What energy do they put out? How do you manage your energy with others?

If this sounds interesting to you, and you would like to discuss it contact me.

Love, Marsha
PS. Our April, Power of Your Presence Retreat is already full, so hold your space in our October Power of Your Presence Retreat now!

Suffering Options!

SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL this holiday season!

This may be hard to believe if you struggle with family members.

Here are some skills I teach clients that struggle with family events.

First, you get to choose. So, stay empowered in that choice.
 
You really do not have to go anywhere, or invite anyone to your house.

Second, stay focused on WHY you made the choice.
 
Mom might not be here next year.
The children love to play with their cousins.
Support my partner.
Whatever your reason, it is okay to go, or not, invite or not.

Third, you can change your mind and make a different choice.
 
It is okay to leave at any point if you so choose.
It is okay to ask someone to leave your home.

Fourth, have clear limits.
 
Screaming and yelling occurs, I go home.

Fifth, create the time you want to have. Do you want to have a…
 
Quiet, relaxing, and peaceful time?
Playful and fun?
Helpful and engaged?

Then set out to make that happen. Remember no one can get in the way of that unless you choose to let them!

Still suffering? Want to stop? Let’s talk!

Not Most Folks!

You can worry about most people all day but I can
promise you they are not worried about you.  Almost all growth that’s
available to you exists when you aren’t most people and when
you work hard to appeal to folks that are not most people.
Seth Godin

Have you ever had something that you wanted to do and you were very excited about it? Then you told people about it and you received pained looks, panicked expressions, head shakes, oh no, and questions such as, “Why would you want to do that?” And your excitement went flat, your balloon was flattened, the wind beneath your wings disappeared?

I was born loving horses. I wanted to ride, train, and breed horses, and it was not a career choice my parents were thrilled about me pursing… a vet, a doctor, an attorney, a business owner… yes, but a horse trainer. Well it wasn’t something they thought I could do and support myself.

Can anyone relate? I am sure some of you can.

What I didn’t know then is that growth occurs when we don’t listen to most people. Growth occurs when we go deep inside, take a step, find our path, and live true to it. Growth stops when we fail to trust our own journey, and listen to the well-meaning but un-supportive and often bad advice of others.

Find people that support that path. Find people that want to join the journey, and serve them.

Who supports your path? Do you? Who else?

Need support? Can’t find your path? Let’s talk.

And remember don’t be most people!

You’re Connected

What if all living things have an energy fields that are connected to all other energy fields? What if everything we say or do, has been said, done, or felt remains present is this greater energy field, collective unconscious, or spiritual realm (however you prefer to refer to it)? What if we had access to that wisdom? What if every time we had a question we could get a decisive yes or no? What if we could do it with 80% accuracy?

In the book, Power vs Force by David Hawkins, MD, PhD, an internationally renowned psychiatrist, consciousness researcher, spiritual lecturer, and mystic writes about the thousands of scientific experiments that he and other have done that have found that muscle testing can determine when an energy field is positive or negative, and found that a variety of things can change the charge of those fields. This research worked with determining the truth of information that is NOT known to the individual. Fascinating, isn’t it? Hawkins has opened a scientific doorway to a method of wisdom discovery that is easily accessible to all of us!

Let’s go even further, what if we do not even need to muscle test? What if that intuitive knowing that we have ignored, shunned and allowed to atrophy for so many centuries in fact is our connection to that energy field. What if we started listening to our sense of knowing? What if we slowed down and got quiet? What if we trusted ourselves? What if we began to reestablish that connection with our inner knowing? What if we began to strengthen our inner connection with that greater energy field? Maybe all we need to know is directly connected to us already?

Have a question? Need an answer? Don’t want to read the book? Let’s talk.

It’s an Inside Job!

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed.
Happiness is the spiritual experience of living
every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.
Denis Waitley

The reality of change. Change is an internal job. Why would I say that? Aren’t I always going on about moving into action suggesting that change comes from taking actions? Well yes, external change always comes from action, and sometimes internal change comes from changing our externals, BUT here is the catch not always. The highest level of change comes when you master changing your own inner reality. What does that mean?

Try this brief exercise. First remember an extremely happy moment in your life. Close your eyes and put yourself into that moment as if it were happening right now. Use all your senses. Notice how you are feeling in your body and in your emotions. Write down a few words that described how you feel as you are in this vision.

Now consider a time when you were sad or angry. Close your eyes and put yourself into that moment as if it were happening right now. Use all your senses. Notice how you are feeling in your body and in your emotions. Write down a few words that described how you feel as you are in this vision.

Look at your descriptor words for the two events. Were they different? Why were they different? They were different because YOU changed your internal state. What? Yes, YOU changed your internal state of being. You create thoughts, images and feelings that made you both, happy, and sad/angry.

So what does this mean? It means you get to decide how you feel. You get to decide at any given moment what your inner landscape is going to look like. Wow! Who knew…Now that you can change your internal landscape when you want (it takes a bit of practice), you can position yourself to make greater, and more creative changes in your external life. Whether you make these changes or not won’t be because you feel forced to do so by internal or external circumstances, but because you chose to do so. The differences between wanting to and having to…is the difference between empowering yourself, or taking the default victim role in life.

The good news is you get to choose which role you play in your life story!

Not sure how? Let’s talk.

Are You Having Fun?

“You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation. ” Plato

Several years ago I was working with a couple. The couple were both hard working professionals with successful practices. and dedicated parents to their 5 children. Managing life was truly an art in and of itself for them. As in many marriages, as life became busier work, and children often took precedence over the couple spending time with each other. Sound familiar?

During one coaching session one partner said to me, I know, I know we need to make more time to WORK on our marriage. The word WORK just hit me wrong. These were people that needed less work, not more. So gently I said, “You both work so hard at your practices, and at making life work for your children, maybe what you need to do is have more FUN in your marriage.” We all laughed. They thought that was a tremendous idea, and began to discuss how they could have more FUN together, instead of working on the marriage.

This small change of perspective made all the difference for them. They began to surprise each other, take unexpected trips, do fun and silly things together. They began to laugh together again. If your marriage or partnership isn’t what it once was think about how to make it more fun, not more work.

Needs some ideas? Contact me!

Who are You Selling Out?

If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is compromise. 
Robert Fritz 
 
Never marry someone that doesn’t fall in love with your dreams!
Nathanial Brandon 
Compromise is an interesting word. It is an agreement or action that requires concessions and settlements on the part of both parties. It is about both parties ending up with less than they truly want. So don’t compromise…because it costs you and the other.
Negotiate the win-win. Be creative. Figure out how each of you can win. How does everyone benefit without compromise? Compromise is the easy way, you give up this, and then I give up that and then we are both less than thrilled with the outcome.
If we however take more time to be creative, then we can create the win-win. We both get what we want. Where can you create a win-win? Where are you stuck compromising? Email me if it would assist you, I have some ideas on how to get you unstuck!