Are you a good follower? Per Seth Godin in his book Tribes, people are becoming ever better at following, but not learning to lead. They’re following instructions, following directions, following the pack, and honing their skills-but hiding. Hiding from the fear of leading. Are you fooling yourself by following? Are you the good kid, wife, mother, father, employee, spouse, partner? Do you do all that is expected to people please, people please, and people please some more but no one is ever honestly pleased, especially you? Are you hiding by following? Doing all the right things? What if you didn’t? What if you stopped hiding, stopped following, and began to lead? What would that look like? What would you create? What would be different in your home, your work, your life? Tell me what that would look like for you.
Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed.
Happiness is the spiritual experience of living
every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.
The reality of change. Change is an internal job. Why would I say that? Aren’t I always going on about moving into action suggesting that change comes from taking actions? Well yes, external change always comes from action, and sometimes internal change comes from changing our externals, BUT here is the catch not always. The highest level of change comes when you master changing your own inner reality. What does that mean?
Try this brief exercise. First remember an extremely happy moment in your life. Close your eyes and put yourself into that moment as if it were happening right now. Use all your senses. Notice how you are feeling in your body and in your emotions. Write down a few words that described how you feel as you are in this vision.
Now consider a time when you were sad or angry. Close your eyes and put yourself into that moment as if it were happening right now. Use all your senses. Notice how you are feeling in your body and in your emotions. Write down a few words that described how you feel as you are in this vision.
Look at your descriptor words for the two events. Were they different? Why were they different? They were different because YOU changed your internal state. What? Yes, YOU changed your internal state of being. You create thoughts, images and feelings that made you both, happy, and sad/angry.
So what does this mean? It means you get to decide how you feel. You get to decide at any given moment what your inner landscape is going to look like. Wow! Who knew…Now that you can change your internal landscape when you want (it takes a bit of practice), you can position yourself to make greater, and more creative changes in your external life. Whether you make these changes or not won’t be because you feel forced to do so by internal or external circumstances, but because you chose to do so. The differences between wanting to and having to…is the difference between empowering yourself, or taking the default victim role in life.
The good news is you get to choose which role you play in your life story!
Not sure how? Let’s talk.
“You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation. ” Plato
Several years ago I was working with a couple. The couple were both hard working professionals with successful practices. and dedicated parents to their 5 children. Managing life was truly an art in and of itself for them. As in many marriages, as life became busier work, and children often took precedence over the couple spending time with each other. Sound familiar?
During one coaching session one partner said to me, I know, I know we need to make more time to WORK on our marriage. The word WORK just hit me wrong. These were people that needed less work, not more. So gently I said, “You both work so hard at your practices, and at making life work for your children, maybe what you need to do is have more FUN in your marriage.” We all laughed. They thought that was a tremendous idea, and began to discuss how they could have more FUN together, instead of working on the marriage.
This small change of perspective made all the difference for them. They began to surprise each other, take unexpected trips, do fun and silly things together. They began to laugh together again. If your marriage or partnership isn’t what it once was think about how to make it more fun, not more work.
Needs some ideas? Contact me!
Think Them So!
The surest way to make a man is, to think him so.
James Russell Lowell
As a professional coach I have conversations with many people from all walks of life. Time and again I have seen miraculous changes in people’s lives sometimes within days.
The man that ran a very successful business but lived in a rundown dump, and was afraid to purchase a house. Takes his foot off the brakes and puts the wheels in motion, and within few months finds and buys the perfect house.
The twenty-year old afraid to date signs up on match.com after finding out she could make it fun. She finds that in fact she is date-able!
The chronically depressed client that has had years of treatment and traditional therapy, suddenly takes flight.
The guy who always wanted his own business but couldn’t quite get all the pieces in place, launches his dream venture.
Why did coaching help them change their lives? Why did coaching help them move into the reality of their dreams when other things had not?
I have pondered this question a great deal as I have marveled at the effectiveness of coaching in people’s lives. This is what I have decided:
They were ready.
They found support that believed in them without doubt or hesitation, me, their coach.
They felt empowered, and thus could persevere.
Who can you believe in and support today?
Who believes in you and can support your dream today?