Not Most Folks!

You can worry about most people all day but I can
promise you they are not worried about you.  Almost all growth that’s
available to you exists when you aren’t most people and when
you work hard to appeal to folks that are not most people.
Seth Godin

Have you ever had something that you wanted to do and you were very excited about it? Then you told people about it and you received pained looks, panicked expressions, head shakes, oh no, and questions such as, “Why would you want to do that?” And your excitement went flat, your balloon was flattened, the wind beneath your wings disappeared?

I was born loving horses. I wanted to ride, train, and breed horses, and it was not a career choice my parents were thrilled about me pursing… a vet, a doctor, an attorney, a business owner… yes, but a horse trainer. Well it wasn’t something they thought I could do and support myself.

Can anyone relate? I am sure some of you can.

What I didn’t know then is that growth occurs when we don’t listen to most people. Growth occurs when we go deep inside, take a step, find our path, and live true to it. Growth stops when we fail to trust our own journey, and listen to the well-meaning but un-supportive and often bad advice of others.

Find people that support that path. Find people that want to join the journey, and serve them.

Who supports your path? Do you? Who else?

Need support? Can’t find your path? Let’s talk.

And remember don’t be most people!

Who are You Fooling?

Are you a good follower? Per Seth Godin in his book Tribes, people are becoming ever better at following, but not learning to lead. They’re following instructions, following directions, following the pack, and honing their skills-but hiding. Hiding from the fear of leading. Are you fooling yourself by following? Are you the good kid, wife, mother, father, employee, spouse, partner? Do you do all that is expected to people please, people please, and people please some more but no one is ever honestly pleased, especially you? Are you hiding by following? Doing all the right things? What if you didn’t? What if you stopped hiding, stopped following, and began to lead? What would that look like? What would you create? What would be different in your home, your work, your life? Tell me what that would look like for you.

You’re Connected

What if all living things have an energy fields that are connected to all other energy fields? What if everything we say or do, has been said, done, or felt remains present is this greater energy field, collective unconscious, or spiritual realm (however you prefer to refer to it)? What if we had access to that wisdom? What if every time we had a question we could get a decisive yes or no? What if we could do it with 80% accuracy?

In the book, Power vs Force by David Hawkins, MD, PhD, an internationally renowned psychiatrist, consciousness researcher, spiritual lecturer, and mystic writes about the thousands of scientific experiments that he and other have done that have found that muscle testing can determine when an energy field is positive or negative, and found that a variety of things can change the charge of those fields. This research worked with determining the truth of information that is NOT known to the individual. Fascinating, isn’t it? Hawkins has opened a scientific doorway to a method of wisdom discovery that is easily accessible to all of us!

Let’s go even further, what if we do not even need to muscle test? What if that intuitive knowing that we have ignored, shunned and allowed to atrophy for so many centuries in fact is our connection to that energy field. What if we started listening to our sense of knowing? What if we slowed down and got quiet? What if we trusted ourselves? What if we began to reestablish that connection with our inner knowing? What if we began to strengthen our inner connection with that greater energy field? Maybe all we need to know is directly connected to us already?

Have a question? Need an answer? Don’t want to read the book? Let’s talk.

It’s an Inside Job!

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed.
Happiness is the spiritual experience of living
every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.
Denis Waitley

The reality of change. Change is an internal job. Why would I say that? Aren’t I always going on about moving into action suggesting that change comes from taking actions? Well yes, external change always comes from action, and sometimes internal change comes from changing our externals, BUT here is the catch not always. The highest level of change comes when you master changing your own inner reality. What does that mean?

Try this brief exercise. First remember an extremely happy moment in your life. Close your eyes and put yourself into that moment as if it were happening right now. Use all your senses. Notice how you are feeling in your body and in your emotions. Write down a few words that described how you feel as you are in this vision.

Now consider a time when you were sad or angry. Close your eyes and put yourself into that moment as if it were happening right now. Use all your senses. Notice how you are feeling in your body and in your emotions. Write down a few words that described how you feel as you are in this vision.

Look at your descriptor words for the two events. Were they different? Why were they different? They were different because YOU changed your internal state. What? Yes, YOU changed your internal state of being. You create thoughts, images and feelings that made you both, happy, and sad/angry.

So what does this mean? It means you get to decide how you feel. You get to decide at any given moment what your inner landscape is going to look like. Wow! Who knew…Now that you can change your internal landscape when you want (it takes a bit of practice), you can position yourself to make greater, and more creative changes in your external life. Whether you make these changes or not won’t be because you feel forced to do so by internal or external circumstances, but because you chose to do so. The differences between wanting to and having to…is the difference between empowering yourself, or taking the default victim role in life.

The good news is you get to choose which role you play in your life story!

Not sure how? Let’s talk.

Let Self-Compassion be Your Guide

If you notice a child was not coloring in their coloring book one day you wouldn’t beat them up because they were not coloring.

Steve Chandler

Listen to your inner wisdom, no self-flagellation, be compassionate to yourself. Notice your choice, increase your self-compassion, honor your process. Notice again what you have chosen, is it serving you?

If not, listen to your inner wisdom, and gently choose differently.

Having trouble Contact me!

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Self Compassion

Are You Having Fun?

“You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation. ” Plato

Several years ago I was working with a couple. The couple were both hard working professionals with successful practices. and dedicated parents to their 5 children. Managing life was truly an art in and of itself for them. As in many marriages, as life became busier work, and children often took precedence over the couple spending time with each other. Sound familiar?

During one coaching session one partner said to me, I know, I know we need to make more time to WORK on our marriage. The word WORK just hit me wrong. These were people that needed less work, not more. So gently I said, “You both work so hard at your practices, and at making life work for your children, maybe what you need to do is have more FUN in your marriage.” We all laughed. They thought that was a tremendous idea, and began to discuss how they could have more FUN together, instead of working on the marriage.

This small change of perspective made all the difference for them. They began to surprise each other, take unexpected trips, do fun and silly things together. They began to laugh together again. If your marriage or partnership isn’t what it once was think about how to make it more fun, not more work.

Needs some ideas? Contact me!

Numb to the Possibilities

I am in the midst of reading, Steve Chandler’s newest book, Death Wish about recovery from addiction. In it he mentions a conversation between publisher Maurice Bassett and blogger Adam Adams. Adams was quoted as saying, “the greatest addiction is familiarity addiction”. Steve quotes Maurice as writing, “It does seem that familiarity is a powerful yet subtle addiction. Staying in our comfort zones, not risking… Going numb to our own possibilities.”

Upon reading this I yelled, “Yes, that’s it!” It is this complacency I experience all around me. When I ask others, “How are you? What is going on in your world? ” I am met with fine, good, okay. Life is the status quo. Ugh, I’d rather hear awful, terrible, hard, or awesome, incredible, exciting, or at the very least interesting.

Why, because at least I know those in the latter category are growing, learning, and alive to their own possibilities. It may not be of their own making. Life may be delivering them a large nudge to grow, learn, and change, or they may be creating the circumstances to do that themselves. Either way there is hope! They are alive!

By choice or circumstance they are awake, and in being awake we are able to create an incredible life.

Are you numbing out with the familiar or something else? Are you curled up in your comfort zone? Where might you stretch 1-5% beyond your comfort zone? Where might you re-awaken, and become alive?

Email me, I would love to about your possibilities!

Think Them So!

Think Them So!
The surest way to make a man is, to think him so.
James Russell Lowell

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Marsha Ferrick Heiden, PhD, BCC

As a professional coach I have conversations with many people from all walks of life. Time and again I have seen miraculous changes in people’s lives sometimes within days.

The man that ran a very successful business but lived in a rundown dump, and was afraid to purchase a house. Takes his foot off the brakes and puts the wheels in motion, and within few months finds and buys the perfect house.

The twenty-year old afraid to date signs up on match.com after finding out she could make it fun. She finds that in fact she is date-able!

The chronically depressed client that has had years of treatment and traditional therapy, suddenly takes flight.

The guy who always wanted his own business but couldn’t quite get all the pieces in place, launches his dream venture.

Why did coaching help them change their lives? Why did coaching help them move into the reality of their dreams when other things had not?

I have pondered this question a great deal as I have marveled at the effectiveness of coaching in people’s lives. This is what I have decided:

They were ready.

They found support that believed in them without doubt or hesitation, me, their coach.

They felt empowered, and thus could persevere.

***

Who can you believe in and support today?

Who believes in you and can support your dream today?

***

Need support?

Email me.

Who are You Selling Out?

If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is compromise. 
Robert Fritz 
 
Never marry someone that doesn’t fall in love with your dreams!
Nathanial Brandon 
Compromise is an interesting word. It is an agreement or action that requires concessions and settlements on the part of both parties. It is about both parties ending up with less than they truly want. So don’t compromise…because it costs you and the other.
Negotiate the win-win. Be creative. Figure out how each of you can win. How does everyone benefit without compromise? Compromise is the easy way, you give up this, and then I give up that and then we are both less than thrilled with the outcome.
If we however take more time to be creative, then we can create the win-win. We both get what we want. Where can you create a win-win? Where are you stuck compromising? Email me if it would assist you, I have some ideas on how to get you unstuck!

 

Potential, Ability, or Grit?

Over time, grit is what separates
fruitful lives from aimlessness.
John Ortberg
I decided that potential means naught, unless there is grit to back it up. Ability means little, unless grit is its’ companion. In the poem, The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer there are a number of lines that speak to me of grit,
“It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing. It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.”
To me this is grit. I like people with grit. I love working with people with grit. Life is full of people with potential and ability but people with grit are rare gems. Give me grit over potential or ability any day.
How do I know someone has grit? They show up, consistently for others, and themselves. They reciprocate. They follow through. They stay the course even when the course gets tough. They don’t give up when obstacles get in the way. People are more important than things. They have passion that comes from a life of personal growth, mastery, and depth of heart and soul.
How about you, where do you need to reach deep, and find the grit within you to create the life you want, to be the person you need to be to achieve it?
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GRRRRRRRRRit!