A Little Girl & a Dog

Sitting in the Denver airport waiting to board my plane for Phoenix on Sunday, I observed a little girl petting a companion dog in training. The little girl said, “I think he loves me.” What a wonderful projection, I thought,” the little girl thinks she is loved.” As I reflected on my internal response to the little girl’s statement, I wondered if that was a wonderful projection to “think” one is loved? Would it be more wonderful to “know” one is loved? For many of us adults a dual awareness exists, which means we understand that when we are speaking of someone else there is a reflection, or projection of ourselves occurring at some level in that dialogue. So as I reflected on the little girl’s projection of herself into the dialogue that she thought she was loved I considered the difference between “knowing” and “thinking”.

“I think” a lot of things, but what “I know” is very different. My sense of “knowing” lives inside my body about 2″ below my belly button and back a bit toward my spine. It is the internal place I am centered from both physically and emotionally. I am centered when I am grounded, and present in this moment. I find it on the top of a horse when I am perfectly balanced with an independent seat! “Look Mom, no hands, no legs,” so no matter what the horse does, my center stays in balance with his center. It is a connection and oneness with myself “to know” to be grounded and centered. It is a balanced connection with my horse when I ride. It is a true connection with others when I am grounded and centered, and come from a place of knowing what is true for me.

Perhaps the little girl “knows” she is loved, and her use of language is not that precise, or perhaps her “knowing” is not clear, or possibly she is already losing her groundedness, her center, and beginning to distrust her sense of “knowing,” and like many of us her sense of self-knowledge, or “knowing” is becoming eroded. For most of us our sense of “knowing” and our trust of that sense of “knowing” ourselves has become vague, it has been reasoned out of us from an early age by our parents, our peers, our educations, and our careers.

What would it be like for that little girl to “know” that dog loved her? What would it be like for her to “know” she was loved?

What do you “know”? What do you “think”? Which do you trust? Where do you make your decisions from your “knowing” or your “thinking”? Consider challenging your thoughts. Consider listening to your knowing. What is different? What do you “know” to be true for yourself? Where are you not living in your truth of knowing today?

Are you Listening or Anticipating?

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Marsha & Fin

I own a beautiful bay Andalusian stallion who’s nicknamed Fin. Riding him today I was acutely aware of when he was listening to me, and we were communicating clearly versus when he was anticipating my request, and thus the lines of communication were marred. We could argue that he was in fact picking up cues based on his past experience with me, and thus my body language was communicating with him before I was actually aware that I was making the request. However, what in fact he was doing was remembering a previous session or pattern of exercises that we completed and was anticipating that we would do the same routine or dance today as well. So although he was correct about the previous pattern, he was incorrect about what I was asking today. So I checked the clarity of my cues, slowed down the rhythm of the process, and allowed him to return to listening by ignoring his anticipation, and staying clear on communicating my current goal.

“Wow,” I thought, “that’s it, we get use to a pattern of communicating with others, we respond to the previous communication patterns with them. We anticipate their words, agendas, or needs. Sometimes we get it right. but sometimes we really screw it up, because we have failed to truly listen, because we were too busy trying to anticipate the other person’s world.” Instead of just waiting, being curious, and wondering, we were being self-protective, defensive, people-pleasing, or afraid instead. Fin anticipated because he has a strong desire to please.

Why do you anticipate when communicating with others? Where do you fail to truly listen? Where could you slow down, listen, and truly have a conversation with someone today?

Stop Toe Dipping, Take the Plunge!

One hot AZ morning this week the beautiful blue pool was calling to me. As I sat on the edge of the pool and did some toe dipping the water felt cool and refreshing. The water felt great on my feet, ankles, and calves yet the rest of me baked in the sun. So another step deeper was needed, and “Oh,” it was a bit cooler but within less than a minute it felt good as my knees bobbed just below the surface, and my legs quickly adjusted to the new temperature. Despite the heat I was hesitant to take the next step. This step was much deeper, over my waist. “Did I want to cool off that badly?” “Maybe I should get out now!” Although that seemed a bit foolish since the sun was hot, and the pool refreshing, and well, I was half in all ready. I mean didn’t that defeat the idea of cooling off in the pool getting out while still half baked? And who knew how many chances I would get to enjoy this pool. So I took the plunge and for a moment I did regret taking that next step, “Oh, it was cold!” Yet the strangest thing happened. In a few moments I adjusted to it. Wow! Interesting! Next I decided to do some edge testing so I began to wade slowly toward the deep end, but that became almost torturous, so I decided to take the plunge. I held my breath and dropped to the bottom, and “Ah,” it was cold, but I survived, and well, you guessed it, in a few seconds I was refreshed! The water felt great! Viola, I had created a refreshing reality!

As I noted my approach to adapting to the temperature of the pool I observed the similarities with life. Each step into the refreshing pool created a challenge, a decision, to go back, stay put, or move forward. Each moved forward required facing the uncomfortable certainty of change, the adaptation to the change, and the joy of having reached this new place. The toe dipping, and knee bobbing were easy, and fun but as I moved toward the moment of totally being cooled and refreshed the biggest challenge came as I grew closest to realizing my momentary vision of being refreshed because the edge testing became torturous, and I had to choose, once and for all to take the plunge, or back away from the dream of that cool refreshing water.

Consider your life, your relationships, your work, your children, your education, your dreams, where are you toe dipping, knee bobbing, half baked, or edge testing? Where are you ready to take the plunge?

Are You a Boredom Pecker?

As I talked to Debby Kinsella at Full Circle Ranch B & B, Cave Creek, AZ about her hens that supplied the eggs for morning breakfast, a friend of hers pointed out that some of the hens had spots on their backs where the feathers were missing. Debbie said that they had recently found ouGallery4 300x195 300x195 - Are You a Boredom Pecker?t that the hens pecked at each other when bored, thus Debby and Tom were building them a series of interesting things to do and challenges to keep them occupied, so they would not peck at each other.
I thought this was interesting. Like the hens, do we pick or peck on others when we are bored with our lives, and work? Do we begin to mess in the business of others when our own lives are not fulfilling and satisfying? I have often wondered if people are bored when they work on creating trouble and misery for others. Using our hen friends as an example, we might say that boredom in fact breeds contempt.
Contempt as we know per the work of John Gottman, PhD creates illness in those individuals being treat contemptuously. Given that contempt creates illness would it not serve us, and the other people in our life to be happily, challenged with our own business and life?
Where are you picking or pecking at others in your life? Where are you not minding your own business, or creating the challenges in your own life that keep you focused on yourself, and what is important to you? The next time you find yourself picking or pecking at someone else, ask yourself, are you boredom pecker?

 

What’s in a Whisper?

What is in a whisper? I watch my mares in the pasture, and they whisper. They whisper to their colts, to each other, to the stallion, and to me. They whisper, and they are heard. They lead the herd with magic and grace with signs so subtle human eyes rarely notice but their whispers are not fIMG 20160519 084939 300x272 - What's in a Whisper?orgotten on the wind. The whispers of the lead mare move the herd to safety, find water, and food. The whispers keep them alive, the whispers are heard by the herd, the whispers are noticed. The whispers are a powerful form of energy that leads the horses to life.

When we whisper others listen. When we whisper people follow. When we whisper we are powerful. When we whisper we are heard.

Whisper today, and see the difference a whisper can make.

Grasp the Magic!

I Sent You a Rowboat
A very religious man was once caught in rising floodwaters. He climbed onto the roof of his house and trusted God to rescue him. A neighbor came by in a canoe and said, “The waters will soon be above your house. Hop in and we’ll paddle to safety.” “No thanks” replied the religious man. “I’ve prayed to God and I’m sure he will save me” A short time later the police came by in a boat. “The waters will soon be above your house. Hop in and we’ll take you to safety.” “No thanks” replied the religious man. “I’ve prayed to God and I’m sure he will save me” A little time later a rescue services helicopter hovered overhead, let down a rope ladder and said. “The waters will soon be above your house. Climb the ladder and we’ll fly you to safety.” “No thanks” replied the religious man. “I’ve prayed to God and I’m sure he will save me” All this time the floodwaters continued to rise, until soon they reached above the roof and the religious man drowned. When he arrived at heaven he demanded an audience with God. Ushered into God’s throne room he said, “Lord, why am I here in heaven? I prayed for you to save me, I trusted you to save me from that flood.” “Yes you did my child” replied the Lord. “And I sent you a canoe, a boat and a helicopter. But you never got in.”
Unknown
Like the man in the boat accepting assistance is not my strong suit.  Yet over the last few weeks accepting assistance from friends, neighbors, and professional as I prepared to move became commonplace. Yet this story of a small town in Oklahoma is incredible and bears telling. It was late Tuesday afternoon. We had driven through the night, and had slept only an hour or two in the previous 36 hours. We had just blown our second tire on the trailer of the day. Yes, you read it right, second. So we slowed down on the toll road and crept off the ramp into the small town of Vinita, OK. At the toll booIMG 20160510 141445390 300x169 - Grasp the Magic!th I asked the worker where I might find someone to repair my tire. The worker gave me a card with a number to a tire repair place, and the owner’s cell phone number. It was approaching the store’s 5PM closing time. However, the worker assured us that the tire shop owner would be glad to repair it after hours for us. All we had to do is call him. So we called the tire shop owner and explained our situation, and let him know we also needed to get gas, first. He gave us directions to the gas station, and stayed on the phone with us until we arrived at the gas station. While filling up the truck with gas we inquired about water for the horses. The gas station attendant graciously allowed us to obtain water for the animals. While getting water for the horse we met a guy that worked for Fed-Ex. He was extremely helpful. He led us with his Fed-Ex vehicle to the tire repair shop, and also told us what tires had helped him when he was having trouble with blow outs on his trailer. The tire repair guy stayed late and replaced all four of my trailer tires for me. Amazing, isn’t it!
I could have refused the assistance at any point in time but I didn’t. I could have said, “No thanks, I don’t want the number…the directions…the water…the information…the help…the assistance…I don’t want to inconvenience you…I don’t want to be any trouble.”  I could have not asked for help, broken down and cried (as I was seriously tempted to do) or ignored the advice.
Why did I ask and accept the help? To be honest I don’t know why but it seemed that the universe was conspiring to help me, as much or more then it was conspiring to delay my journey.  What I do know is that by staying present to what was being offered in the environment, and saying “yes” to it problems became resolved, forward movement was regained, and I was onto the next leg of my journey in a very short time.  By surrendering to what was I kept moving forward to what could be. I could choose to be swept away by the flood, or grasp the hands that were offered me. This time I choose the magic of allowing what could be to happen.
Where are you not surrendering to what is? Where are you not accepting the help that is offered? Where are you refusing to slow down, and allow the magic to work in your life?

 

Moving West, a Perspective

Many years ago a colleague of mine recounted a story told to her by the Chair of her dissertation committee. He recalled that to graduate from one of his programs he had to write a paper that would be read by five random professors at his college that did not know him. He submitted exactly the same paper to each person. He recalled the responses were fascinating. The feedback he received was everything from “This is the best paper I have ever read,” to “This is the worst paper I have read.” So how could one paper be viewed so radically different by these five professors?

Perspective. Perspective is everything.

Likewise, for the most part the individuals in my life, friends, colleagues, and clients have been delighted about my new venture. Excited for me that I will be experiencing life in a new way as I coach, write, and enjoy my time in nature and with my animals traveling on the road. This response seems a no-brainer, someone doing something they want to do so you celebrate with them, even though it may on one hand be a loss for yourself. Yet I also received perceptions of my adventure as a loss for me (per them), or as a narcissistic, and selfish gesture.

Isn’t perspective interesting?

The fascinating thing about another person’s perspective is that it is theirs, not mine so for better or worse, it is not my issue it is theirs. To make things even better the really great thing about my perspective is that I can change it. I can decide whether it brings suffering or joy to me. The people that are choosing to celebrate my new adventure with me are choosing joy, coming from a higher place on the spiritual ladder so to speak. And for those that have chosen otherwise the good news is they can choose to step up the ladder anytime they desire.

Perspective is the way we decorate our world. How are you decorating your world today? Take a step up the ladder. The air is cleaner, the view is clearer, and life becomes much sweeter!

Misuse of the Imagination

Major Nesmeth was a prisoner of war in North Vietnam. For seven years he was confined to a small cage. To keep his sanity, he played an imaginary eighteen holes of golf daily. He would use his range of senses to clearly visualize every swing and shot. After his release he found he had shave 20 points off his old average score. As far as his mind and body were concerned he had played all those games that he had spent practicing, and refining, and perfecting using his imagination.  (Paraphrased from Jane Savoie, That Winning Feeling)
Nesmeth’s amazing improvement in performance is just one example of what research has shown us (Maltz, 1960), the human nervous system cannot tell the difference between actual and vivid imaginary practice. What a wonderful finding! Athletes, and performers of all types have embraced this new knowledge and applied it to improving the skills they wish to master.
Since our imagination is that powerful in helping us improve performance think how you might be utilizing it to sabotage yourself. Do you regularly visual disaster? Worst case scenarios? Doing the wrong thing? Consider what you could do if you did not misuse use your imagination but in fact utilized it to create the relationships, success, and freedom that you want?
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Be the Fool

George Leonard, bestselling author, dubbed “a learner” by a mountain man is invited to his home in the Los Padres mountain wilderness near Big Sur to instruct the mountain man on how to become a learner. Arriving at this remote location the mountain man walks Leonard through his sculptures, chronologically and indicates to Leonard where he had lost his spark, and stopped being a learner. “Tell me. How can I be a learner?”, says the mountain man. Leonard exhausted from the long and dangerous drive his mind blank hears himself responding, “It’s simple. To be a learner, you’ve got to be willing to be a fool.”

 

Later, Leonard goes on to explain to the readers of his book, Mastery: The Keys to Success and Long-Term Fulfillment that he is referring to the spirit of a medieval court jester. The ability to create a fertile void, to empty oneself of all knowing and thus allow creativity to spring forth from a place of emptiness within us.

 

Are you willing to empty yourself of all knowing? Are you willing to play the fool? Are you willing to create a fertile void from which you can create the life that you want? If not now, then when? When will you stop living your life as if you will live forever?

 

Jackie of All Trades, Mastery of None

“A friend of mine, twenty-nine and still looking for a cause, a purpose in life, said, ‘Our generation has been raised on the idea of keeping our options open. But if you keep all your options open, you can’t do a damned thing.’ It’s a problem: How can any one option, any one goal match up to the possibilities contained in all the others? … Ultimately, liberation comes through the acceptance of limits. You can’t do everything, but you can do one thing, and then another and another,” writes George Leonard in his book, Mastery: The Keys to Success and Long-Term Fulfillment. 
 
Rereading Leonard’s Mastery, I have found the pure pleasure in slowing down. Doing one thing exceedingly well in this moment, and the next, and the next. Pure focus, pure practice. Turning off the noise bringing my attention to perfecting in this moment whatever it is I am doing. Choosing to not be “busy.” I chose only a few very important things to say, “yes” to in my life.
I listen, I share, I listen some more. I ride, I reflect, I ride some more. I write, I review, I write some more.
What are the most important things in your life? Slow down to speed up. Your partner, your children, your work, your life. Be present to it, practice it, one step and then the next step.
Building a business? Start with one person, connect with them. Listen to them. Invite them. Assist them through the use of your service or product. Nourish the relationship. Propose for them to work with you only if it will serve them.
Mastery. Seek it. Treasure it. Enjoy each and every moment of it.
Synopsis of George Leonard’s Mastery …
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