Are You an A?

In the book, The Art of Possibility, Benjamin and Rosamund Stone Zander share a story of a young man that was attending one of Benjamin’s music courses. Zander, the conductor of the Boston Philharmonic Orchestra and a teach at the Walnut Hill Conservatory had come up with the technique of giving his students all A’s at the beginning of the year so that they would risk playing full out, making mistakes, and growing through the year in his course.

One young man was perplexed by this idea. In his country, the orchestra where he played he was number 68 out of 70. The student after being awarded the “A” by Zander wandered around pondering this idea for several days. He then wrote Zander that this was at first confusing that in his country he is 68 out of 70 but in Mr. Zander’s class he was an “A” student. He told Zander that he realized that he felt better when he thought of himself as an “A” student instead of “68” so he decided he would go with being an “A” student.

 

This young man learned in a very short  time what it takes most of us decades to learn that we get to decide what we believe, and that we can choose that which will benefit, and serve us the most. This young man recognized that he felt better when he thought and felt of himself as an “A” student.

What are you thinking about yourself? Are you giving yourself an “A”, or a making yourself number 68? Consider both options, which would serve you best then chose! Who can you give an “A” to today?
Hear the story from Zander himself.
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Giving an “A”!

A Herd of Horses

Once upon a time in a small village a man owned some land. One day a herd of wild horses came to reside on this man’s property. His neighbors were so excited! They told him this is great. You are a very wealthy man now. The man only replied, “maybe it’s good, maybe it’s bad”. Then the man’s son decided he would train the stallion of this wild herd, and in the process the stallion dumped the son and the son’s leg was broken. The neighbors were so upset! This is awful they replied, “what will you do now that your son has a broken leg?” Again, the man only replied, “maybe it’s good, maybe it’s bad”. At this same time the King of this man’s country declared war on another country, and began conscripting young men into the army. Needless to say this man’s son could not go because he had a broken leg.

Original Source Unknown

This story is one of my favorites. It reminds me that in any given moment my judgment of an event is wrong. The story suggests that I might want to suspend titles such as “good” or “bad” because I simply do not have the power to know how that event will play out in the future. “Good” and “bad” are labels I give an event depending on the story I have created about how that event will impact myself or others. The story I create is no more accurate then the story that someone else might create about the same event.

So has a herd of wild horses appeared in your world today? If so remember, “maybe it’s good, maybe it’s bad”, or maybe it is just another part of your life’s journey. What story will you create today? Make it fun!

Byron Katie on Judging

What Legacy will You Leave?

 That is your legacy on this Earth when you leave this Earth:

how many hearts you touched.

Patti Davis

Legacy is in one sense the concrete things you leave behind. Yet legacy is far more than things, legacy is the quality of all the energy you leave behind. Will it be positive or negative? Will it be love or fear? Will it build up or tear down? Will it heal or harm? What will you leave behind? Will you leave the world better than you found it?

Character Matters to Relationship Quality

The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships.
Anthony Robbins

The quality of our lives my be the quality of our relationships, however the quality of a relationship is based on the character of the individuals involved in that relationship. Successful relationships are formed by individuals with characteristics that enable the relationship to thrive.

What characteristics help your relationships thrive? What characteristics do you want to develop in yourself?

Relationship Makers or Breakers

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.
Mother Theresa

Relationships are about belonging. What makes or breaks a relationship? Belonging is a major component of maintaining a relationship. Belonging is an emotional connection with others that creates an inner peace. So, how do I know I belong?

I belong when someone…
– pays attention to what I am saying and doing.
– really hears what I am saying.
– empathizes with the story I am telling.
– can reflect the essence of what I am sharing.
– respects my words, thoughts, and beliefs.
– accepts me as I am without trying to change me.
– honors the boundaries I assert.
– can share who they are with me.
– can tolerate my directness without distress.

How do you know when you belong?

Here is a great video by Sue Johnson, PhD.

How to Love/Belong Intelligently

 

Principles of Great Relationships

Do not do unto others as you expect they should do unto you.
Their tastes may not be the same.
George Bernard Shaw
Certainly, the Golden Rule has value yet Shaw’s quote makes us reflect on the principles of great relationships. The basic principles of great relationships, according to Williams and Thomas, are to remember that people are different, so treat them accordingly. Next, build the esteem of others which motivates them through love, and not fear. Love is far more potent. Third, interact with others with choiceful behavior using the facts before you, and absent habitual reactions of the past. Last, remember that when we like ourselves, we like others, and others like us.

Which principle will you focus on to take your relationship from good to great today?

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Diverse relationships are crucial for paradigm shifts.

Extraordinary Relationships

Creating extraordinary relationships requires regular emotional deposits, and minimal withdrawals.
Stephen Covey


Who doesn’t want extraordinary relationships? I love my extraordinary relationships. Don’t you? What makes them extraordinary? Emotional deposits are one thing that makes a relationship extraordinary.

When am I making emotional deposits? When I create acts of kindness, keep promises, have and honor clear agreements, speak well of others in their absence, apologize, and forgive. However, it is not enough to just make emotional deposits I must minimize emotional withdrawals. Emotional withdrawals can be acts of unkindness, broken promises, unclear expectations or non-existent agreements, disloyal in word or deed, never apologizing, or never forgiving.

Are you making more emotional deposits than withdrawals in your relationships? Are you wondering why your relationships are not extraordinary? What actions will you take to make more emotional deposits today in order to begin to make your relationships
extraordinary?

Out of the Box

Creative thinking – in terms of idea creativity – is not a mystical talent. It is a skill that can be practised and nurtured.
Edward de Bono


To have the life you want you will need to think creatively. Creative thinking is a skill that can be learned. Thinking creatively requires looking beyond your normal thinking. Out of the box thinking requires making novel combinations, metaphors, analogies, taking on a different world view, make unique connections, disconnect typical connections, make reversals, do the opposite, view it from a different angle, look for the exceptions, the accidental, look for what you were not looking for, write everything down without judgment, elaborate on every idea, allow your subconscious to work. Then create the life you want.

Freedom from Fear

Without an open-minded mind, you can never be a great success.

Martha Stewart
Closed minds exist because we are afraid to move out of our comfort zones. We can spot a closed mind by noting excuses, and rationalizations. On the other hand open mindedness comes from natural curiosity and the desire to discover new information. Open mindedness comes from practicing the management of our thoughts through visualization, affirmations, positive verbalization, acting as if, feeding our minds with the right stuff, associating with positive people, and by teaching others what you learn.
Today how can you open your mind 5% more?