All We Have!
Time is simply a concept, a mental construct.
So direct experience really only exists in this moment, where there is no past, and no future, so all we have is right now.
Make the most of it!
Dynamic Balance
Success, although personally defined is obtained only when one leads a dynamically balanced life that prioritizes life responsibilities in this way…
1. Self-Care and Self-Responsibility
2. Partner Relationship
3. Parent/Child Relationship(s)
4. Friendships
5. Career/Work/Job
If your road to success is strewn with obstacles consider for a moment where you spend your time.
Humanity is Borne
Empathy is the of sensitivity to your own and another’s experience.
Empathy…
Heals.
Increases integrity.
Makes you complete.
Through empathy humanity is borne.
Reward Yourself
To be assertive is to be effective and constructive.
Assertiveness requires…
Listening.
Curious questions.
Clarifying.
Validation of the other’s perspective.
Slow, soft speaking.
Gentle repetition of what you want.
A nonjudgmental stance.
Patience.
Alternative offers.
Accepting no.
A reward for the smallest achievement.
Can Conflict be Creative
Win-Win is the outcome sought after in most conflict resolution strategies, but often we resort to compromise.
Compromise is where everyone gives up something, not really the win-win we are seeking.
What we really want is creative synthesis. Creative synthesis is where everyone’s abilities, values, expertise are validated and respected. Each persons wishes, wants, needs, and positions are clear. Each person can support their own and the other’s position. Through the use of collective energy, solutions are developed so that both parties get what they want.
Now that is what I call Win-Win!
Reflect Responsibly
” Feedback, when given well, should not alienate the receiver of the feedback,
but should motivate him/her to perform better.”
Unknown
Rules for reflecting behavior.
1. Give it only when solicited.
Or at least ask if they want feedback first!
2. Describe do not evaluate.
Criticism is never well received.
3. Be specific not general.
Specificity has meaning.
4. Take into account your needs and those of the receiver.
Or it will fall on deaf ears.
5. Direct it toward behavior which the receiver can change.
Otherwise what is the point!
6. Time it well.
In the midst of an emotional crisis feedback is never well received.
7. Have the receiver mirror it back.
Reflecting your reflection keeps the mirror clean!
Perfect Listening
“People love to talk but hate to listen. Listening is not merely not talking, though even that is beyond most of our powers; it means taking a vigorous, human interest in what is being told us. You can listen like a blank wall or like a splendid auditorium where every sound comes back fuller and richer.” A.D. Miller
The perfect listener concentrates, stays present and opens all her senses and engages in the collection of outside information.
The perfect listener has a blank mind without filters, judgments or biases.
The perfect listener hears what is and isn’t said.
The perfect listener understands that the speaker is always right in her world.
The perfect listener is curious.
The perfect listener learns from everyone, including herself.
Are You Understood?
“A genius knows how to make himself easily understood without being obvious about it.”
J. Anouilh
To be understood.
Pause.
Breathe.
Be direct.
Keep it short.
Keep it simple.
Make actions, coincide.
Chances are you will be understood!
The Wind Beneath Who’s Wings? Synergy
Really, you want a relationship? Why?
Misery… it will make you happy.
Illness… it will cure you.
Broken… it will fix you.
Suppose to … it will make you fit in.
Boredom… it will create excitement for you.
Loneliness… it will be company.
Fulfillment… it will fill you up.
Lack purpose… it will give you a reason to be.
Distraction… relief from living your life.
Newsflash! Relationships will not help any of the above. In fact given time they will only magnify these issues for you!
People mistake having a relationship for having a better life. Relationships are a dime a dozen. Just go on line, join a dating service, and you can meet all kinds of people trying to use relationships to fix their lives.
A great relationship takes a great deal more than finding a relationship. To have a better life you have to…
Heal. Grow. Focus. Find. Fulfill your life purpose. Live your life on purpose.
Live the happy, healthy relationship with yourself that you want to have with others, when you do, healthy relationships will show up for you.
These relationships will add to the wind beneath your wings, and you will add to the wind beneath their wings. This synergy will allow you both to fly higher, and achieve more, than either of you ever dreamed of doing.
What are you really searching for…?
Integrity
Celtic Symbol of Integrity
Integrity…
Awareness.
Honest with self.
Honest with others.
Authentic.
Say what you mean.
Do what you say.
Word and deed align.
Commitment.
Follow through.
Showing up.
Being fully there.
Consistent.
The right thing.
The next right thing.
Even when no one is watching.
Foundation of relationships.
Necessity of self-respect.
Basis of self-esteem.
How is your integrity holding up?