It’s an Inside Job!

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed.
Happiness is the spiritual experience of living
every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.
Denis Waitley

The reality of change. Change is an internal job. Why would I say that? Aren’t I always going on about moving into action suggesting that change comes from taking actions? Well yes, external change always comes from action, and sometimes internal change comes from changing our externals, BUT here is the catch not always. The highest level of change comes when you master changing your own inner reality. What does that mean?

Try this brief exercise. First remember an extremely happy moment in your life. Close your eyes and put yourself into that moment as if it were happening right now. Use all your senses. Notice how you are feeling in your body and in your emotions. Write down a few words that described how you feel as you are in this vision.

Now consider a time when you were sad or angry. Close your eyes and put yourself into that moment as if it were happening right now. Use all your senses. Notice how you are feeling in your body and in your emotions. Write down a few words that described how you feel as you are in this vision.

Look at your descriptor words for the two events. Were they different? Why were they different? They were different because YOU changed your internal state. What? Yes, YOU changed your internal state of being. You create thoughts, images and feelings that made you both, happy, and sad/angry.

So what does this mean? It means you get to decide how you feel. You get to decide at any given moment what your inner landscape is going to look like. Wow! Who knew…Now that you can change your internal landscape when you want (it takes a bit of practice), you can position yourself to make greater, and more creative changes in your external life. Whether you make these changes or not won’t be because you feel forced to do so by internal or external circumstances, but because you chose to do so. The differences between wanting to and having to…is the difference between empowering yourself, or taking the default victim role in life.

The good news is you get to choose which role you play in your life story!

Not sure how? Let’s talk.

A New Way to Look at Emotions

Equation of Emotional Management
Emotions = Energy

Emotions create a change in bodily energy.

How will you choose to use it!
You can create
or
You can destroy.

Emotions are an invitation to act that empower you to alter
anything you choose for better or worse.

Managing Emotional Flooding:  How to Quickly Self-Soothe  

Here are 5 quick steps to self soothing. When you feel flooded during a conversation or argument take a break. Follow these five steps.* Here are five steps to soothe yourself: breathing, relaxation, heaviness, warmth, and imagery.

Step #1—Breathing
The first step is to get control of your breathing. When you are getting flooded, you will find yourself either holding your breath a lot or breathing shallowly. Change your breathing so it is even and you take deep regular breaths. Take your time inhaling and exhaling. Really focus on the exhale!

Step #2—Relaxation
The second step is to find areas of tension in your body. First tense and then relax these muscle groups. First examine your face, particularly your forehead and jaw, then your neck, shoulders, arms, and back.

Step #3—Heaviness
Let the tension flow out, and let yourself start to feel heavy.

Step #4—Warmth
The fourth step is to imagine your body parts becoming warm.

Secret #5—Imagery
As a fifth step, add a calming image of personal safe place you can envision. The key is to meditate, focusing your attention on one calming vision or idea. It can be a very specific place you go to that was once a very comforting place, such as a forest or a beach. Imagine this place as vividly as you can as you calm yourself down.

 

Copyrighted 2014

 

*Based on the work of John & Julie Gottman, PhDs.