Telling Others What Happened to You
Guidelines for keeping your self-safe: Develop your own SUDS scale and as you begin to work on your story track your level of distress. Decide prior to starting at what level of distress you will take a break. Review the information below from the Quest for Healing by Marsha Ferrick, PhD, BCC before beginning and use the worksheets offered within to guide you.
Guidelines for sharing: Sharing is vital to releasing the emotions that have kept these historical huge or small incidents referred to as trauma active in your physiology. Write your story down to organize your thoughts, do it more than once. You do not have to relay every single detail the first time through the telling, and in fact you may not remember everything the first time through. When you tell it don’t read it. Let yourself be present to the telling. Using your grounding skills to assist. If you feel you will be distant in some parts unable to be present when you speak then omit those parts. Your safe person will be honored to hear whatever you choose to share. Be real and transparent. The rationale for giving your story is not that you remember and share everything. The invitation is for the other to simply enter your story. Be present emotionally, for yourself as the other person holds space for you to share your heart. Do not feel pressured to tell your whole story. Tell what you can. At a later date you might want to share at a deeper level.
Knowing When to Share
Ask yourself the following questions:
- Does this person care for and respect me?
- Does this person have my well-being in mind?
- Is this someone I have been able to discuss feelings with before?
- Do I trust this person?
- Do I feel safe with this person?
If you answered “yes” to all 5 of these questions the person is probably a safe individual.