Creating a Better You

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Creating a Kinder World

Creating a Calmer World

Creating a Wiser World

pROLONGED pARENTING

Parenting requires growth even after Your Children are Adults

"The complete transition to adulthood does not happen until adult children are supporting themselves financially, intellectually, and emotionally. The parent child relationship shifts substantially as the child becomes more fully independent. It is imperative that parents acknowledge and adjust to this shift in the relationship. if not growth is inhibited and this may result in the relationship between parents and their adult children deteriorting instead of strenghtening over time."

Marsha Ferrick

Launching Adult Children with Success

life In Progress

Helping you one skill at at time to allow your Adult Children to becoming stable, independent contributors to society.

At LIFE IN PROGRESS prolonged parenting is about learning how to::

• let go of your adult child
• setting healthy lmits
• move them into independence on all fronts.

Prolonged Parenting is about cutting the ties that bind your children to you, and trusting that they will swim—it is not about enabling or co-dependency. In reality, prolonged parenting is about you getting your life back and allow your children to find theirs no matter the circumstances.

Reasons Parenting Becomes Prolonged

Disabilities

Children with disabilities may need assistance beyond age 18. The length of time will depend on the disability and severity.

Chronic Illness

Children with Chronic Illness can need additional support beyond age 18 this can become a dependency crutch so continue to encourage to independence despite the illness. Medically confirmed illnesses should be considered in a differing light from those that cannot be medically confirmed.

Parents Not Letting Go

Sometimes parents are the ones reluctant to let go and continue to enable behavior that encourages independence in the child.

Mental Health Issues

Many mental health issues are treatable with a combination of skills, medications and therapy which independence should not hamper. However there are some mental health issues that are so severe that additional support from parents might be needed. 

Immaturity

Children mature differently and some children’s development may take longer than others. The Brain matures in the mid twenties accounting for many of the bad decisions we make during our late teens and twenties. This lack of maturity can create problems in the child gain independence in one or more areas of their lives.

Dependency & Passivity

Some children develop passive and dependent personality characteristics. The Peter Pan Syndrome, “I don’t want to grow up.” These children would be glad to have you take care of them forever.

Entitled

I see this most often in wealthy families or families that have gone above and beyond to give their children everything. I believe this is done with the best oof intention wanting their children to have everything they didn’t have but for some children this back fires. They expect to have these things, and not to have to work for them. That their existence entitles them to those things. It doesn’t you will have to set hard boundaries and limits and be ready to withstand guiltying and master manipulation.

Take Your Time. START HERE. Move at Your Own Speed

Parenting Adult Children

Cut Financial Strings with Kind Truth, Strong Boundaries, Clear Intent & a Loving heart

Parenting Does It Ever End?

Parenting the toughest job in the world but when does it end? Some people will tell you never and some will tell you at age 18. What do you do if you feel taken advantage of, potentially used and abused by adult children that remain dependent on you for reasons other than documented disabilities or extended college degrees?

The Line Between Helping & Hurting

Advising parents regarding their adult children there is rarely one single simple answer but a plan that is mapped out with thoughtfulness for the best interest of the adult child and the parents. Many parents are worried about their children ending up on the streets, homeless, or even worse their grandchildren. It becomes an internal tug of war for the parent wanting to help but not enable and attempting to find that line that is useful support. 

The Bridge to Adulthood

The complete transition to adulthood does not happen until adult children are supporting themselves financially, intellectually, and emotionally. The definition is clear it is the bridge the adult children must cross before they attain true adulthood that is not always illuminated with clarity.

WIZMINIS

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PROLONGED PARENTING

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TRAUMA IS A SIGNIFICANT CHANGE IN WORLD VIEW

Shattered Assumptions: According to the shattered assumptions theory (Janoff-Bulman), trauma destroys core beliefs that the world is safe and that oneself is competent, leading to intense fear and anxiety.

Fundamental Changes: Trauma often alters views on personal invulnerability, the goodness of others, and self-worth. It frequently causes a, often, permanent shift to, often, seeing life as pointless or that one is fundamentally flawed.

Impact on Trust and Safety: Trauma, particularly interpersonal, breaks down trust in others and creates, often, constant hypervigilance (scanning for danger).

Rebuilding a New Worldview: Recovery requires integrating the traumatic event into a new, often,, more, often, realistic (but often, harder to live with) understanding of, often, life's risks, shifting from a state of, often, shattered, often, belief to, often, reconstruction of a, often, new, often, worldview.

Commonly Changed Worldview Beliefs:

"The world is safe"

 "The world is dangerous and unpredictable".

I am worthy" 

 "I am broken, guilty, or to blame".

"People are good" 

 "People are untrustworthy/bad".

"I can trust others" 

 "I am betrayed/alone". 
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WIZMINS

Choose a Topic that Speaks to you. Click “READ MORE” on the flip side. 

Review the skill & information. Download the document for further study & practice. 

WHEN IS IT TIME FOR YOUR ADULT CHILDREN TO JOIN ADULTHOOD?

HOW ARE YOU HOLDING THEM BACK? IS IT TIME TO LET GO?

WIZMIN PARENTING & BEYOND

AM I ENABLING MY ADULT CHILD? WHEN IS IT TIME TO LET GO?
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WHY HAVEN'T MY CHILDREN LAUNCHED?

HOW DO I HELP THEM?

WIZMIN PARENTING & BEYOND

QUESTIONS REGARDING YOUR UNLAUNCHED CHILDREN?
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Prolonged Parenting Suggestions

Parents stay united

Children of all ages are good at playing their parents against each other. Don't let them, ALWAYS present a united front whether you agree with each other or not. Always talk to each other before making decisions regarding the children.

Have an open dialogue with adult child.

Cooperation is more likely to be gained if the Adult Child is invited into the conversation.

Set limits and do not deviate from them.

Do not bail children out that go past limits you have already set. Likewise do not set limits you will not hold.

Pay Rent

If your children are living at home set down written rules that they must meet to stay there. Children in college might need to keep a full load and maintain a passing GPA. Children not in college should be required to work and pay some rent. These are suggestions but obviously you do not want a child sitting at home like a couch potato doing nothing. While you are working to keep the lights on.

Check In

Have regular meetings with your adult children to see where they are at and to review their goals. Frequency should be based on the Adult Child's level of functioning. Higher level young adults should need less check in time but this is where collaboration is useful.

Support Your Partner

Regular discussions with your partner will help to keep you both focused and on track with the same agenda for assisting your child to full blown independence.

Parents stay united Have an open dialogue with adult child. Set limits and do not deviate from them. Pay Rent Check In Support Your Partner

Finding Your Emerging Adult Child

Prolonged parenting is a varying journey as unique as your children, it is an opportunity to grow closer to your partner and develop a respect for your children as they find their footing in adulthood. This is not a solo trek it is an adventure for the family.

  • -Collaborate
  • -Join with your partner
  • -set limits
  • -Hold your boundaries

Make decisions and set limits that move your child toward adulthood. 

WIZMIND ENCOURAGEMENTS

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The brain reaches adulthood in the mid-20s. T/F?

True although this can vary depending on genetics, development, environment, use of drugs or ETOL, education and upbringing.

Prolonged Parenting is unusual in this day and age. T/F?

False. Rising prices, a difficult economy, changes in views of going to college are all changes in the last decade plus that are adding to children relying longer than ever on parents.

Parents should set the ground rules for their adult children without collaborating with them. T/F?

Grounding techniques help manage symptoms related to trauma that enable you to not be swept away by triggers into past emotions, images, physical experiences or behaviors in the present.

All decisions by parents of adult children should be based on getting them out of the house ASAP. T/F?

False. All decisions should be made on the basis of moving the adult child closer to independence which may or may not include getting them out of the house.

Prolonged parenting is negative in all circumstances. T/F?

False. It is not unusual for parents to support children in some fashion as they go through college and advanced degrees. Likewise supporting adult children through trade , business, or art schools also makes sense.

WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF RIGHT NOW?

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Small Ways to Begin: Start Where You Are

  • Listen to Your Adult Child
  • Discuss the Options with Your Partner
  • Outline a Plan
  • Agree on the goals with Adult child
  • Set dates to complete goals
  • Determine a regular meeting time

CURATED MEDIA FOR EXPLORATION

DOING_LIFE_WITH_YOUR_ADULT_CHILDREN_-_JIM_BURNS.pdf
DOING_LIFE_WITH_YOUR_ADULT_CHILDREN_-_JIM_BURNS.pdf
SETTING_BOUNDARIESN8482_WITH_YOUR_ADULT_-_ALLISON_BOTTKE.pdf
SETTING_BOUNDARIESN8482_WITH_YOUR_ADULT_-_ALLISON_BOTTKE.pdf
EMOTIONAL_BLACKMAIL_-_SUSAN_FORWARD.pdf
EMOTIONAL_BLACKMAIL_-_SUSAN_FORWARD.pdf
DONE_WITH_THE_CRYING_-_SHERI_MCGREGOR.pdf
DONE_WITH_THE_CRYING_-_SHERI_MCGREGOR.pdf
RECONNECTING_WITH_YOUR_ESTRANGED_ADULT_CHI_-_TINA_GILBERTSON.pdf
RECONNECTING_WITH_YOUR_ESTRANGED_ADULT_CHI_-_TINA_GILBERTSON.pdf
WHEN_YOUR_ADULT_CHILD_STRAYS_-_JIM_BURNS.pdf
WHEN_YOUR_ADULT_CHILD_STRAYS_-_JIM_BURNS.pdf
RULES_OF_ESTRANGEMENT_-_JOSHUA_COLEMAN.pdf
RULES_OF_ESTRANGEMENT_-_JOSHUA_COLEMAN.pdf

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